The best races of children
We've already pondered the questions of which race is the cutest and which can drink the most, but one matter that has long eluded us is which race is the best for kids? To the best of our knowledge, nobody has ever come forward with a workable schematic, so we asked a teacher of 7- to 8-year-olds to give us a full breakdown of how the kids stack up against each other.
1. INDIAN KIDS
Shit, Indian kids are my favourite. They are cute, they are well behaved, they have names I can’t even think about pronouncing. Bonus points for British ones who sound like extras in Harry Potter.
2. MEXICAN KIDS
There is nothing I love more than throwing in a little Spanglish while helping a boy named Jesus figure out if he should colour the casa roja or amarilla.
3. BLACK KIDS
Black kids are by far the funniest. My 8-year-olds would constantly be blasting Lil Wayne's "Lollipop" on their mp3 players on field trips, and my camera from student teaching is filled with pictures of my kids fanning out their lunch money like its hundred dollar bills and they are on a Cash Money Millionaires CD cover. Now if only they would stop beating the shit out of each other in school...
4. ASIAN KIDS
Totally way cute and make me want to either bang an Asian dude and make the new John and Kate Plus 8, or go on an adoption shopping spree in Cambodia. On the down side, sometimes they're boring because they hardly ever talk.
5. WHITE KIDS
White kids are lame. I usually like poor kids, but poor white kids are just dirty and gross and rich white kids won’t shut the fuck up about how many times their family has been to Disney World and then their mums start bitching to me about how Johnny isn’t getting enough attention. Definitely the most dud-like and least fun.
BGebs' blog is a life-affirming account of one American's journey in supply teaching on Brick Lane, banging the guy from the Virgins, and staving off gout.