Meet The Nieratkos - The Atlanta Twins

By Chris Nieratko

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At the moment I’m on a Red Bull skate trip that started in New Jersey and ends in Miami for Skateboarder magazine. Yesterday I was in my hotel room iChatting about my son’s teething with my wife when my roommate, Jonathan Mehring, came in and said, “We just met these ganster ass twins who sleep in the same bed and only fuck the same girl.” I said goodbye to my wife, put on my shoes, and told Jonathan, “Take me to them.”

The short of it is they share the same bed, wear matching outfits, only fuck the same girls, were both engaged to the same Penthouse Pet, and are both looking forward to marrying the same woman and fathering the same child. The long of it is they are the most unique twins I’ve ever come across and a psychologist’s wet dream. I plan on flying back to Atlanta very soon to shoot a documentary on them. They are so amazing and their story is so tweaked, that this interview was only able to scratch the surface.

Allow me to introduce you to Sidney and Thurman Sewell, aka Sid & Thurm, aka The ATL Twins.

(I grouped their answers because a) they asked me to and b) they literally finished each other’s sentences. Every sentence.)

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What is your story, guys?
Where do you want to start? We got a crazy fucking story, man. We were born in Chattanooga, Tennessee. It’s a slum fuck, white trash, black ghetto neighborhood. We grew up on food stamps – super trife. When we were younger we were into gnarly death metal. We started skating when we were 12. Want to know how we lost our virginity?

Yes.
When we were 13 years old we’d tell our dad we were going to stay with the homies, but we were actually going to stay with this 21-year-old bitch.

Once, we went to this skate spot with this older dude and some bicycle cops rolled up and ran his name, and it turned out he had warrants. They were like, “We’re taking you to jail. And you two, we’re taking you into custody and your parents are going to come get you.” They took us to the station and I was like, “Fuck this shit,” I called that bitch up. We told her to come down and tell the cops she was our stepmother. She came down and they let us go with her. We got back to the crib and were drinking OE and getting high when all of a sudden some dudes were like, “She wants to fuck both of you. Go into her bedroom.” We didn’t care or know nothing about pussy then, but we went in there and she was in lingerie bumping Poison or Motley Crue. She said, “Take your clothes off,” to both of us. We had boners and shit. We took off our clothes and she started sucking our dicks. She was like, “You have beautiful bodies.” She was 21 years old and we were 13! Needless to say we fucked the shit out of her, raw dog, and busted inside her. That was our introduction to pussy and sharing the same girls.

Was that the beginning of only fucking the same girl?
In sixth grade we had separate girlfriends, but it was on some little kid shit. But since then it’s always been the same girl. The next day that 21-year-old wrote us the most psychotic 10-page love letter. We were embarrassed and ripped it up. It was nuts. She said she wanted to take our relationship to the next level. Demented shit. We were little kids and we looked even younger – like ten-year-olds. From that moment on, we grew up so close that we never split up. And it was always one bitch for the two of us. We share everything – we even sleep in the same bed. We’re the same person, we just have two different bodies.

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Have you always dressed the same?
We share the same clothes. Even when we were kids our parents dressed us the same. We had matching Michael Jackson jackets. We grew up so poor that we had to sleep in the same bed with our two sisters and our dad on some hood-house shit. Our dad eventually became disabled and died in front of us when we were 14. We had to call the paramedics and give him mouth to mouth.

You still sleep in the same bed?
We always have. We didn’t have a big house.

But now you have this massive apartment overlooking Atlanta. You can get your own beds.
We could, but we don’t need to. We share everything.

Are you snuggling in there?
Nah, dog. We always got a bitch in the middle, every night. Let’s get this straight right now: ain’t no fag shit, ain’t no gay, incestuous shit about our gig. Understand that we grew up together… we’re the same person in two bodies. I know, telepathically, what he’s thinking before he says it. We can sense shit. We finish each other’s sentences – we’re that close. The longest we’ve EVER been apart was for two hours when he broke his arm, and once for six hours when I went to jail for a DUI.

You were engaged to the same girl. Did you both propose?
Yes. On Christmas. So we started sharing the same girls, obviously. Our first true love was this badass little cheerleader. She was a blonde chick and we loved her to death but her parents hated us, and she could never face society being with twins. It’s just not accepted.

When you’re double-teaming a girl is it always double penetration?
No, it’s one after another. And we have a rule: if he goes first one night, I go first the next night. Sometimes, with freaky ass bitches, we DP them. But we got big ass dicks, man. Girls don’t want this in their ass. We’re both blessed with 9-inch cocks. Bitches love us because we know how to fuck. That’s the reason you see us with all the badass bitches – we’re fucking them right. When it first pops off we might both get going on a chick, like she’ll start sucking my dick and he’ll start fucking her doggy. Then we flip it. Or we take turns. Or I might turn over and pass out and he’ll fuck her, and then when he busts that nut I come in. It’s good for the girl – she gets her shit off. She’s getting her orgasm, trust me. And we ain’t the best looking dude. We ain’t got no Ryan Sheckler face, but at the same time I’m charming. I got game. I know how to holler at girls.

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But is it the game or is the oddity of the twin factor they’re attracted to?
Man, it’s a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that we are twins and it is dope. We are never alone. We always have each other, fuck everyone else. The curse is society doesn’t accept it and these girls have parents and friends who think that shit is weird for one girl to date twins.

Has there ever been a case where one is in love and the other is just not feeling the girl?
No, we agree on everything. But the curse is if we love a beautiful girl she’s not going to take us home to her parents and say, “Yo, I’m pregnant by both of them.”

I was telling you about my kids and you said you wanted to have kids.
We want to have kids. We’re getting older.

But you both want to be the father? You want to marry one girl?
Yeah. If we get a chick pregnant it’s both of us. We don’t care. That’s just what it is and what it will always be. No girl will ever separate us. Never.

Don’t you think that would fuck with the kid’s head?
The way we’re going to raise them, they’re going to be dope. And we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. I can’t answer that; I don’t know. I know it will be weird and probably cause problems, but it is what it is. There are gay dudes who have adopted kids and they have to explain that shit—this is no different. Fuck society. You see how we’re living. We’re just fine.

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How long were you engaged? And did you meet her parents?
We went to the strip club and I saw the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my entire life. It was love at first sight for us. We took her back to the crib. At that point she had only been stripping for two weeks. She kind of ran away from home. Her parents were super conservative. We knew she was the one. We fell in love. Within a week she moved in with us. We talked her into reuniting with her parents. They thought Sidney was the boyfriend and I was just the twin brother who always rolled along. They’d be like, “We need to get you a girlfriend.” They liked us. We proposed to her on Christmas in front of the tree. We got on our knees and both said it: “Will you marry us?” She said yes and we were psyched. We were so in love. Her parents still didn’t know anything, they just thought I was some weirdo. Every time I went to her parents’ house he came too. We got her into Penthouse. She was Pet of the Month September, 2006. She couldn’t stand to lie to her parents, so she eventually told them she was with both of us and they were cool with it. They were going to pay for the marriage in Jamaica on the beach. Then she told them about Penthouse and that she was going on The Howard Stern Show and it didn’t go right. They were devastated. They didn’t care about the twin thing – they were pissed that she stripped and was in Penthouse. Then they got pissed at us. Long story short, she went to school and felt we were going in different directions. One day we came home from work and all of her shit was gone and she left us a serious letter. We were together for five years. After she broke up with us we got super jaded on girls and just started fucking mad bitches.

And you still always share girls?
Always sharing girls. Every bitch, man.

What’s Slimerica?
Dawg, I’m trying to be a motherfucking millionaire. I want money, I want diamonds, I want cars, clothes, and the most beautiful hoes. That’s how we roll. People who have a problem with materialism, fuck them. I’m materialistic as fuck. Is there something wrong with that? So Yelawolf started a record company/clothing brand called Slimerica that’s coming soon. His album comes out October 25th. He’s going to blow up, and this Slimerica shit is going to blow the fuck up, too. Our dream is to get a reality show. We’re not scared, dawg. Bring it on. I’ll show you how we do. You live once, I want to do it big. I want to be famous. You ain’t seen no twins like us. Fuck you other twins. We’re mirror twins. He’s right handed and I’m left handed. We got the same tats on opposite arms. Mirror twins are the ultimate twins. Fuck all you other twins.

CHRIS NIERATKO

For more of the Twins go to Twitter.com/TheAtlTwins

For more stupid go to Chrisnieratko.com

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