Cry-Baby #1: Diana Medley
The incident: A school prom was organised, and gay students who attend the school were invited.
The appropriate response: Nothing.
The actual response: A special education teacher named Diana Medley joined forces with some students, parents and other dickheads to organise their own seperate, straights-only prom.
Speaking to a local news channel about their bigoted prom, Diana, who is visibly evil, said, "we don't agree with homosexuality. It's offensive to us."
Diana, who is probably also definitely a secret racist, then added, “I don’t believe they were born that way, I think life circumstances made them choose that. I think God made everybody equal… I have kids come to me because of their sexual preference. And they know I don’t agree with it, but care about them. And the same thing for special needs. God puts those people in our life for special reasons.”
Diana, who is kind of attractive, and therefore undoubtedly currently the subject of dozens of people's hate-fuck fantasies, was then asked if she felt gay people had a purpose in life, to which she responded, "I personally don't, I'm sorry."
Speaking of the prom, futuristically-named high school student Kynon Johnson said that the bigoted group hoped to make their prom a "good prom", that would get "more people to follow what they believe".
So I guess it will come down to students to choose which prom they'll attend on the night. The one organised by a group of Christians, in an attempt to convert them to their belief system? Or the one that the gay and non-asshole kids will be at? Tough call!
Cry-Baby #2: Allen Blair
The incident: A 33-year-old man listened to Alanis Morissette.
The appropriate response: Mocking him. A lot.
The actual response: The man's boyfriend hit him in the face with a plate.
Police in Jacksonville, Florida were called to the apartment of Allen Blair and his unnamed 33-year-old boyfriend.
When the police arrived, they found Allen's boyfriend with a large cut on his face. He said he had been listening to an Alanis Morissette album, when Allen attacked him with a plate, hitting him with it in the face repeatedly.
Police found Allen in a park across the street, where he admitted that he had attacked his boyfriend because he was listening to Alanis. While he was being arrested, he told the police, "that's all the motherfucker listens to."
Police said they believed the couple were using methamphetamines at the time of the incident.
Fuck. Can you imagine being in Florida AND being on meth AND listening to a ton of Alanis AND getting hit in the face with a plate? Dark.
BTW the picture of Alanis up there is the actual picture the Daily Mail used in their article about this. I guess their photo guy isn't a huge fan, either.
Which of these people is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in the poll below, just in case they google themselves one day and end up here:
Winner: The woman who hates upgrades!!!
Follow Jamie on Twitter: @JLCT