Cry-Baby of the Week
Cry-Baby #1: Mike Cockburn
The incident: An Australian guy named Mike Cockburn got attacked by a drunk person.
The appropriate response: Calling the police, then getting the fuck over it.
The actual response: Mike is attempting to have "drink-walking" banned.
After the unprovoked attack last year, Mike decided to launch something called The Pedestrian 08 campaign.
Under the scheme, people caught "drink-walking" would be either fined or arrested, depending on their level of intoxication.
“I think I’m speaking for all parents when I say that the increasing amount of alcohol-related violence frightens me,” he said.
Mike claims the campaign has the support of a lot of people, including a local doctor who is "sick of scraping people off the pavements". Which seems like it shouldn't really be a part of a doctor's job to begin with.
I guess the main flaw in the plan (other than it being really fucking stupid and lame) is that it will completely remove any incentive people had to not drink and drive. Which, obviously, is no good.
Cry-Baby #2: The staff of Highland Middle School
(Thanks to Benjamin for the tip)
The incident: Three schoolchildren borrowed their teacher's iPad and found a topless photo of her on it.
The appropriate response: The teacher should have apologised to the boys and their parents, I guess.
The actual response: The teacher called the police, then the school suspended the three children.
The three boys, all aged 13, borrowed the iPad during a lesson to play a game. At which point: "an image of [the] teacher's bare chest appeared on screen unexpectedly when [a] classmate pressed a button."
When the teacher realised what had happened, she called the police, who – after visiting the school and questioning the boys – decided not to arrest anybody. Which is a pleasant surprise.
Obviously the kids' "we just pushed a button and it appeared!" story is total bullshit. –13-year-old boys don't "accidentally" find topless pictures on iPads – but come on lady, you're a teacher. Taking a device loaded with nudes into a classroom full of teenage boys is fucking INSANE. The only raunchy pics you should have of yourself should be polaroids, locked in a fireproof box and buried in a secret location.
Who is the bigger cry-baby? Help us decide in the poll below. If you don't, you're a dick.
Previously: Rowdy George Michael fan vs. Rowdy soccer dad
Winner: Soccer dad!
Got a nominee for next week's cry-baby? Email it to firstname.lastname@example.org
Follow Jamie on Twitter: @JLCT