David Cameron's School Star
Gary Barlow. Tony Hadley. Tony Hadley. Gary Barlow. They say that every generation gets the icon of soft-c conservativism it deserves. Whereas yesteryear's yupmeisters could place their Spandau Ballet record on top of their espresso machine, safe in the knowledge that Tony Hadley was one of their own, today's mortgage-obsessed Waitrose mums and eco-aware Foxtons employees can stick on Take That's milky AOR and be instantly transported into the soft-focus thinkspace of DavCam's New Tories.
Why? Because Gary Barlow has finally outed himself. He's Conservative. He “backs Dave”, as they say in the bars of Soho. Barlow made the announcement at a special event at a school in Cheshire. Gary played "Greatest Day" alongside an orchestra of tots, while Dave sat in the front row like a proud parent smiling wanly through his fat child's recital.
Schoolkids desperate to know where DC stands on the renewal of Trident were in for something of a disappointment. He was there strictly to talk about how they are all about to be launched into a nationwide music competition when the Tories take power. School Star is the Conservatives' plan to make sure that the youth have the remorseless economic logic of X Factor hard-wired into their heads. In the tradition of television searches for a musical star, there will be school-by-school heats, culminating in a national final. The lucky tyke will win a day in a recording studio laying down their track with Gary Barlow. At which point they will be free to ask him why he has destroyed their country.
Cameron also praised Barlow's song, saying: “If you feel down, if you feel depressed... Greatest Day, what a fantastic song to lift you, and I think Gary showed that today.” He was obviously having a day-off from liking The Smiths. Mrs Thatcher' favourite song was famously Rolf Harris's “Two Little Boys Had Two Little Toys”, the verb of the phrase denoting her essential belief in the sanctity of private property. One little boy did not necessarily share his toy with another - each indivisible economic boy-unit was free to have Hayekian personal autonomy in his deployment of said toy. DC has “Greatest Day” by Take That, symbolising his belief in the redemptive power of GMTV.
Three days into School Star, and already the entries are rolling in. Leading the pack so far are a pair of Sloanes so dense that they forgot they weren't of school going age. It's a great time to be young.