Film

By viceuk


Dear Vice,
Have you ever seen Quest for Fire? It is maybe the greatest movie ever made. It's a sprawling caveman epic starring Ron Pearlman that, unlike Caveman starring Ringo Starr, is extremely funny. Here are the best things that happen in it. (Please note I have not called a "spoiler alert," as I do not believe it is humanly possible to spoil this movie.)


A cavewoman bites a caveman's beard off.


Ron Pearlman eats (occurs numerous times throughout movie).


An apeman throws an entire tree at cavemen.


Another apeman accidentally steps on fire and makes this face.


A naked goth-looking guy gets bummed out while watching an oranguman eat his arm.


Another oranguman freaks out with a giant club.


Then bites a caveman on his penis.


A naked goth girl chews up a bunch of nuts and spits them on the caveman's mangled penis.


Ron Pearlman tries to hold a bunch of corn.


The cavemen make friends with a bunch of wooly mammoths.


The mammoths freak out on the orangumen.


Ron Pearlman smells his fingers after touching the naked girl's butt.


Quicksand!


The goth tribe makes one of the cavemen fuck a fat chick.


A cavewoman licks the blood off a caveman's arm.

Love,
DAVE
Via email

By viceuk 2 years ago

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