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Facebook Stalking Thora Birch

One of my friends on Facebook was once in a movie with Thora Birch. I'm not going to name him here, mainly because you might think it's someone really exciting if I leave it open. (Could it be Scarlett Johansson? Jared Leto? Leonardo DiCaprio?) Assuming she would decline it, I decided to send her a friend request. Amazingly, she accepted!

I know what you're thinking – "That totally isn't Thora Birch, why would she use her real name on FB and have an open profile?". I know, because this was a concern of mine too. But then I saw that our mutual friend had been talking back and forth on her wall with her about birthday drinks, so it's definitely her.

Here are some things I learned about Thora from her Facebook:

1) She's rich, angry, poor, awkward and prone to writing unbelievably depressing status updates.

2) She will answer pretty much any question you ask her:

3) But she has her limits:

4) When really, really stoned, putting the song "Reach Up (Papa's Got a Brand New Pigbag)" by Perfecto Allstarz on her wall is the funniest thing IN THE WORLD (Seriously, I almost passed out from laughing when she responded):

5) She's pretty bitter about getting fired from some play about Dracula:

6) She's a not-very-good abstract painter:

Eugh, what a depressing experience. I wonder how she managed to go from an Emmy nomination to answering FB wall questions about the car from Hocus Pocus in the space of eight years. Hardly fills me with confidence for my career as a "blogger".

I always liked Thora Birch, can we use our internet power to make her famous again? Like some kind of Restore Stephen Baldwin type thing only, ya know, not insane?

JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE