Fithy rotten over-charging liars
A few weeks ago we heard about the latest Internet invention: AlibiNetwork. The company specialises in assisting customers to fabricate lies. Have two boyfriends and want to have a get away for the weekend with a third without either of them knowing? Well, this is the place to call. In a flash they'll come up with a fake job interview so you just have to get out of town for a few days. Don’t want to break up with your girlfriend? I'm sure they'd fake your death to help you avoid that, too. $175 for a forged immigration document? What a steal! Because we're liars and may one day rely on these monsters, we decided to test their credibility and give them a call.
Vice: Hi, I would like to get an inquiry for an alibi.
AlibiNetwork: Okay, please hold.
Hi, how are you?
Hi, hi, I’m okay, how are you?
Good. How are you?
Um, good. I want to get an inquiry. I’ve kind of run away to Europe and I don’t want my parents to know.
Um, so about how much would that cost to block my calls and maybe alter my bank statements. I am still in school and my credit card bill is still sent to their house, but I’m taking money out here and I don’t want them to know.
Well, you want to alter your bank card statements?
Yeah. I mean, is that possible?
Yes, we, we can do that. But what are you saying, these statements are being sent to their home address?
Okay- so if they receive the real statement, what is going to happen? I mean, how? We won’t be able to change the statement of your bill but we can give you another statement.
Okay. So, if there is some way to get the original statement, you guys can make an altered statement and I can just give them that?
So if I got my neighbour to get it- Kyle, he is a good friend of mine- we could just put the other one in the mail-box?
Yeah, yeah, that is possible.
So how much would that cost to get one of those altered bank statements?
How, how many?
Maybe one or two?
Uh, typically it will cost you $250 for the altered statements, add the $75 membership fee, so a total of $325.
And what about my phone? I don’t use it over there ‘cause it doesn’t work. It’s not a European number. Is there some way to divert the calls?
If they call you on your American phone?
Yeah, my cellphone.
I mean, yeah… the simplest thing to do is to forward your American phone to your cellphone in Europe and your parents won’t know.
Okay, so could I call them and they would see on their phone that I was calling on my American number?
Ah, so you are going to need to make outgoing calls as well? I mean, we can provide you with a different phone number to divert your calls, but it’s not going to be your cellphone number, so they are going to get suspicious- but if you call your cellphone company and have them forward your calls to a European number, they aren’t going to notice.
Ok. Are my parents going to see the difference then because they will be calling internationally?
They probably will. Yeaaah, there are different ring tones, but you have to get the number through us.
So if I just got a phone with you guys and told my parents that I lost mine, they wouldn’t see it on their phone bill?
Yeah, that’s fine.
Okay. Awesome. Could you make any customs forms? I go to school in Canada; is there some way to say I couldn’t leave the country? That happened to my ex boyfriend when he didn’t get his visa renewed. Can you get a letter, like a letter that looks official enough?
[Laughs] What- [sighs] Possibly. Yeah. I would need to look into that.
We normally don’t do that in the United States because of the liability concerns obviously. But in Canada I think it is going to be more or less… [inaudible - mumbles something about corruption]
And do you have some kind of rough dollar estimate for a letter saying that I can’t leave Canada? Or that if I leave Canada I have to pay a fee.
Yeah, the problem is that we would need to get some kind of letterhead and or something with the phone number of the department. It’s complicated.
Okay, but if I have a sample, because I've had a student visas before, so I have their letter head- if I got that to you, you would be able to do it?
Yeah, yeah, we could do that for you.
Okay, awesome. About how much would that cost?
Umm, if you get everything, normally it is $250 but if you get everything else we would do it for a discount, $125 about.
Great, thank you so much. This has been really helpful. Thank you, have a good day.
Mh hm. You too.
Hmm, it all seems quite expensive compared to just putting a bunch of pillows under your duvet.