FUCKED UP - SXSW DIARY

DAY 1 and 2

9.30pm
We meet at the bus station in Toronto. We neglected to buy plane tickets until the last minute, so all we could get were flights from Buffalo to San Antonio. The three-hour bus ride featured two driver changes, Falco getting stuck in the bathroom for two hours, and no movies.

12.30am
Just after midnight we get our visas approved at the border. We have a couple of hours to kill at the airport until our 9am flight. Pink Eyes and Gulag walk to the McDonald's across the highway. I watch The Devil Wears Prada on my laptop. I think Sandy is listening to Vampire Weekend. Somehow it becomes morning.

11.30am
We arrive in beautiful Newark, Airport (not to be confused with Newark, Delaware) and wonder why we aren't just going to Manhattan, which we can see out the window. We sample Airport’s many culinary delights, such as the Sbarro and the Nathan's. I get the wet sushi. Sandy opts for frozen yoghurt instead of ice-cream because she is off dairy.

7pm
We arrive in San Antonio. Immediately I see the fattest person I have ever seen in my life - the guy who rents us our van. We almost get inside him and drive off.

9pm
We finally arrive in Austin and go straight to the check-in centre. We don't see any famous people other than Andy Capper, owner of Vice UK. He is already in a bad mood. I vow not to see any bands all week after getting a year’s worth of flak for trying to see Asobi Seksu last year. I deserved it. 

Damian was using an MTV microphone at this show. It's our first set in 2 weeks and we are showing signs of wear. Thank god no one was there except for die-hards and tweakers. I think the drummer from Vampire Weekend was there, but just trying to buy a Paul Simon LP.

DAY 3

Saw lots of friends, and also Clipse and Motorhead. The guitarist in Motorhead had a beer cozy for his mic stand. Vampire Weekend was sold out.

Fucked Up played "Year of the Pig" at Beerland. Veronica from The Carrots did back-up vocals and then passed out on stage. J Mascis was there. He looked like a unicorn and kids were daring each other to ask him if he was in Deep Wound. He was pissed.

After the show we went to Taco Cabana - the worst Mexican restaurant on the planet.

DAY 4

Fucked Up play four shows on one day, beginning with the NME party at WAVE. No one is there, but the gear is great and Pink Eyes almost jumped off the building like King Kong.

People were throwing food at him. After that we raced over to the Vice outdoor party to play for free Gatorade.  Nothing funny happened.

The next show we did with John Brannon from Vampire Weekend. It was super hard.

After that I went to see Annihilation Time and it was great. Then Municipal Waste played, who are about as hard as Vampire Weekend, and just as literate. Oh wait, I mean way less literate than Vampire Weekend.

Then we played on  Lemar Pedestrian Bridge and 3,000 people showed up. A few died. There were police helicopters flying above during our set. I saw some MIBs rappelling the bridge. Thank god an army of angry punks pelted them with empties until they fell into the river and were eaten by sharks. It was "gnarly."

Hey wow, another great meal at Taco Cabana.

DAY 5

After getting free jeans and shoes, we hung out all day at Waterloo Park. We did some tunes with Keith Morris from Vampire Weekend. It was “ill.” There were about 1,000,000 people at this show and 10 stages. Ween played a bunch of cool tunes from their new record "Weirdo Rippers." It was cool. Everyone was wondering what the fat dude from The Sarah Silverman Program was gonna do next. Last year he watched Hatebreed. This year he was watching Ween because they played the same stage as him.

I really dug NOFX. Pink Eyes did a cameo, but fucked it up. NOFX are funny so they were able to make some pun-based jokes about that one. Then their stage manager beat the shit out of a crustie and this drunk dude onstage. It was pure mayhem.

Beat got some free red pants from Ben Sherman and wore them because he secretly thinks he’s Rat Scabies.

We met up with Andy and Michelle from Mika Miko and drove them to Taco Cabana, which miraculously was open. She called me a faggot, so we ditched her because we aren't into that.

One more show: the Vice secret afterparty. Last year the building collapsed during this, so everyone was pumped. Our guestlist was 200 people long. We played for 2 minutes. Again, no famous people.

We got home at 6am. An hour later I woke up shivering. I spent the next 2 days throwing up in airports, hotel rooms and buses. Fuck you SXSW.