Girls love violent guys
I have been trying to work out how to get off with girls for about 18 years now. I have been trying all sorts of crazy stuff. I talk to them, try and spend time with them, say nice things about them to their friends in the hope that they will pass it on, sometimes if I am really desperate I even ask them what they are up to on the weekend. But it seems I have been wasting my time - the helpful guys over at GYMBOX have cracked it. Check out their handy five step guide to getting laid... by hospitalising poor people!
Firstly, get the lady of you dreams to go for a coffee with you, any excuse will do, but girls love coffee. Fact. Choose a route to Cafe Nero that takes you down some piss drenched ill-lit alleyways. The darker the better for this.
With any luck some dirty poor people will be lingering in this spot waiting for nice normal folks like you. You will know they are poor because they will grunt and shuffle about like animals. As they see you their psychotically ingrained envy and resentment for your riches will send them into a rage.
As he attacks you, savagely take advantage of his (undoubtedly) intoxicated state. The poor fucker will have been supping on Peperami and Super Tennents all day and should make for an easy kill. As his tracksuit swaddled child / lover makes a run for it, give her a look like you are thinking about putting her face through a window - women hate guys who do half measures. Killing two of them, or at least looking like you may, will translate in her mind into, "This guy is going to fuck my brains out, sweet."
Having just fractured the attacker's skull in front of the apple of your eye, show her you have a gentle side too. Offer your hand to help her step over the twitching mess of a man you have just emasculated and eviscerated. If you really want to go for it you could put your jacket over it, but God knows where these people have been, so best not.
And there you have it. She, like all women, loves a guy who can maim on short notice, she is putty in your hands and you can get that coffee, or probably just sack it off and go straight to hers to exchange some fuck faces, or whatever it is the kids say these days.