Heineken Open'er Festival 2010

By Alex

This weekend, I went over to Poland to check out the Heineken Open'er Festival. I know it's pretty far to go for a festival, but when I found out Kasabian AND Ellie Goulding were on the same bill I had to get there no matter what the cost. JUST KIDDING! I went because the festival paid for me to go so I could blog about it. I'm not sure how that is a good investment for them, but here goes.

When I landed there was a person waiting for me at the airport holding a sign with my name on! Well, not really my name. But it was close enough to get me really really excited!

My hotel was the nicest hotel I've ever stayed in (out of the four hotels I've stayed in in my life). This picture doesn't really do it justice.

In the bathroom there was this piece of contemporary art. But if you decided you didn't want to look at art while you showered and would rather look at the beach instead, you could just slide it over and it was a window!

Then I headed off to the festival. The first person I went to see was Grace Jones. I think Poland, like most people, might be a little more in to the idea of Grace Jones than the reality. As when her set started I couldn't even get in to the tent. But by the end, without making any effort, I was here.

This must be that iron curtain I keep hearing about.

Here are Klaxons. According to The Sun, Jamie took a lot of Polish girls to a hotel and ate cheese with them.

Here is a large crowd of Polish people auditioning for Jamie's cheese event.

This guy tried to open the toilet door but just Incredible Hulked it off the hinges instead. I imagine this happens to Madonna a lot.

Pearl Jam headlined that night. Some people say they're getting too old to rock. But whatever, if I look even a millionth as cool as this when I get to their age, I'll be pretty stoked.

This was taken while I was "hanging out" with Grace in the hotel bar. Right after it was taken, some guy accidentally put his cigarette out on her hand, dropped it, but then managed to catch it before it hit the floor. She looked at him for a second, then said, "Darling! You caught the cigarette!' and just carried on talking.

The next morning I went for a walk around the beautiful town of Sopot.

Was I the only person who didn't realise Poland looked like this?

I was expecting soviet tower blocks covered in snow, Chernobyl dust, and cars powered on gravy and dissapointment. Not Twin Peaks.

Back at the festival, Skunk Anansie played. Polish people are in to the weirdest music. The crowd during their set was about the same size as Blur at Glastonbury.

I'm gonna start a blog where I Photoshop dicks over microphones. This will be the first post.

This is the staff of Polish Vice sitting on a sofa made out of Polish copies of Vice. Polish hipsters all seemed to be rocking the "Ironic Australian" look.

Not sure if you've ever been in to the VIP area of a music festival, but they're pretty special.

This is like a dork rorschach.

Dear condom companies; when you give out free condoms at festivals, it doesn't promote safe sex. It promotes blowing them up and throwing them in to the crowd.