A Fried Egg Bandit Is Baffling Police in the UK

This article originally appeared on VICE UK

A fried egg has baffled police on the Isles of Scilly in Great Britain. How? By appearing at the crime scene of what seems, at first glance, like a standard shed break-in.

A policeman who identifies himself only as "Colin" took to Facebook to ask for help re: figuring out what all this egg business is about, after what looks like some kids broke into a shed to steal a football for a kickabout.

"Somebody has forced open the door to the Football Club shed at the playing field next to the school," read the statement Colin posted at the Isles of Scilly police Facebook page. "It is fairly evident that this was done sometime over Tuesday evening and most probably to get a football out for a kick around. Regrettably, however, the door was damaged in the process as can be seen in the picture with the bottom of the door split. There are few clues as to how this came to happen other than a fried egg was left at the scene.

"In case you missed any of the salient points above," Colin continued, "I'll summarize:
– Low key investigation with amicable resolution if admitted.
– A fried egg was left at the scene. "

As a result, students at Five Islands school will presumably have sat down for a very sincere assembly Friday where a policeman came in and held up a cold floppy egg accusingly at them and they will have had to not laugh. "I will be attending school tomorrow to ask at assembly if anyone knows anything about this," Colin added. "We are just looking for the person responsible to own up and this can all be dealt with quite amicably which is the request of the shed owners."

Thing is: I'm trying to think about a situation in which you might be holding a fried egg—no bread was found at the scene, so it definitely wasn't the component of a sandwich, nor was there any bean juice or black pudding laying around, so it wasn't part of a fry up, either—and then you might put the fried egg on the ground and just leave it there.

But no such situation exists. Like, you've gone to the trouble to fry an egg. You've somehow cooled it to a temperature where you might take it outside with you as a handheld protein-rich snack. And then you leave it by a shed for the police to find. What kind of deranged maniac are the Isles of Scilly police dealing with, here? Do they know what they're getting into? Do they have enough riot gear? And is the egg in question currently sitting in a Ziploc bag in a police-owned mini fridge? So many questions, doomed to go unanswered.

Unless... Unless the chat at the school was able to shed some light on this unsettling mystery. We'll keep you posted.

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