Help Us Find This Pretty Girl's Wallet

Bertie, pictured literally seconds ago

For the last couple of hours, we've been dealing with some pretty upsetting news. Bertie Brandes, the pretty girl behind our new column Pretty Girl Bullshit, tweeted that she had left her wallet on public transport.

After so wonderfully emasculating rapey "pick-up artist" Matt Artisan this morning, it outraged us to think that the multiverse's karmic forces had decided to punish her by bumming her out in such a manner, especially at the start of a weekend when, y'know, money tends to come in handy.

So we're launching an appeal: Find the wallet, get in touch with us on Twitter to return it and become a hero (or heroin) to millions of pretty girls everywhere. Who knows, Bertie might even big you up in next week's column (ie she definitely will).

Here's a description/ desperate plea in case you needed any more convincing that this is the kind of social media campaign to get behind, rather than all those Race for Life sob stories and One Direction putsches that have been clogging up your timeline these last few weeks:

Last night, I dreamt about a severed head surrounded by candles. Today, I got caught in a torrential rainstorm and lost my wallet on the tube. Whether or not I should stop dancing on Indian burial grounds I don’t know, but I do know that today fucking sucks. Did any of you happen to be riding the Central, Victoria or East London lines and find it?

It’s a black leather Vivienne Westwood purse (#sob) containing every vital ingredient for my weekend (bank card, driving license, Oyster card, library card). If you did, feel free to rifle through all of it. I believe there is about £1.23 in change inside: baby, it’s yours. Smear it with Vaseline and make sweet love to it. I don’t care. Just please give it back after you're done. Please? If you return it, I’ll interview you for PGB. You’ll become a paragon of moral upstanding and a shining beacon of humanity. Everyone will bask in your glorious light. And I’ll buy you two blue WKD. Deal?

If you find it tweet at us @VICEUK or email elektra dot kotsoni at vice dot com.

Read this week's column here: Pretty Girl Bullshit - Sex Pest 101