Hey Fuck Walkers, What The Fuck?
The geniuses in the Melbourne government recently decided to do something about meth addicts losing their fucking shit at their junky girlfriends in front of their kids on trains, as well as drunk teenage girls calling each other fat cunts outside McDonalds at 4am, not to mention those homeless guys who come up to you in the street asking for change and then call you a stuck-up ugly bitch who should rot in hell and fuck their own mothers because you already gave your last few coins to some other asshole a second ago. Their solution? On the spot fines for swearing in public, which makes heaps of sense and should really make a big difference. As usual however, a bunch of people disagreed and decided to stage a protest called The Fuck Walk. We went down to see why they gave a shit.
VICE: Alright guys, what word are you down here trying to defend?
Molly and Brett: Fuck.
Do you think you could put together a sentence made totally of swears?
Where the fuck is that cunt?
So no then.
Which soon-to-be fineable words do you use the most?
What about when you were in school? What swears were you using back then?
Bernard (not pictured): Shit.
Maggie: Bugger, bloody.
Cute! Now that you’re all grown up, what can you get away with in front of your folks?
Maggie: Mother fucking cunt, but she deserves it.
You guys are obviously too young to swear now, but what word are you most looking forward to using when you finally get your swear license?
Phoebe: So many, probably fuck.
Would you use it in front of your parents?
So you can’t be just ditching school because it’s Saturday, what brought you out today?
Alice: ...free speech?
Mmm, very convincing. How old are you?
Phoebe: 15... 13!
You guys know that when you lie about your age you’re meant to increase the number?
Ok, I’ll bite, what’s with the masks?
Anon: We are anonymous, a group of like-minded individuals who believe in free speech and liberal thinking.
You look like the kind of guys who like expressing themselves, despite the lack of faces, can you still be expressive without swearing?
Anon: That's not the point, it's about them controlling how we think and speak.
Speaking of speaking, what’s your favourite swear word?
Anon: Cunt muffin.
That somehow doesn’t elicit the type of excitement muffins usually do with me. Would you pull that one out with the folks? I hate to ask, but would you give your mother “cunt muffins”?
Anon: They don’t care at all, I can say anything.
Yeah you seem like the type of kids that didn’t get told to shut up much.
Hey sir, what brought you out into all this ruckus today?
Maxwell: Stupid laws against swearing, personally I don’t mind, I swear in French. But I find it stupid.
Favourite French profanity?
Maxwell: Merde. But I’m not French. I say it so my children, grandchildren, great grandchildren don’t hear it.
So why French then?
Maxwell: I’m a French teacher.
Has swearing changed much over the years? Not suggesting you’re old or out of touch or anything. You may be the coolest person I’ve ever met.
What words did you like when you were younger?
Lady Friend (not pictured): Shut up!
I’m assuming that was an answer to my question, not a request.
You seem suspiciously well behaved. Why did you come out today?
Oliver: Moral support, honestly a bit worried about people being obnoxious and defeating the purpose, good idea though.
Yeah, as someone who doesn’t seem like a douche bag, what is your favourite swear word?
I like all of them. I use fuck a fair lot, it's pretty boring. It’s used so much it’s not offensive.
I can’t imagine anything you do is boring... I mean, good point! Is anything still offensive?
Not a particular word, offensive behaviour has to be offensive behaviour.
Too true. You are very insightful. Someone sure raised you right. What is the heaviest word you would use in front of your parents without them freaking out?
Ooo my parents are pretty strict, could probably do, not fuck, but all the others. Not cunt. That still has a little weight.
So sensitive. Do you think the protest will be constructive?
Yeah. But I am a bit worried about dickheads, I guess they are unavoidable at these things.
Yeah that’s kind of a given I suppose. So what does your girlfriend think of swearing...
Hello Mr. Lone Wolf. Why did you come along today?
Tom Hewitt: Because everyone is entitled to swear a bit, just a bit of fuck or shit.
Shit or fuck, which one are you liking?
Everyone loves fuck. It’s really the most popular girl at the dance today. What can you say in front of you parents?
Oh “fuck you” occasionally. It’s not serious, they know it’s a joke.
You seem like a seasoned cusser, can you give us a whole sentence only cussing?
Fucking shit cunt.
Trust a teenager to be the first one to be able to do that.
You guys seem way too wild to be attending a boring old political march. What brought you out?
Trig and Leondra: The word fuck.
You seem like a funny guy, are you as funny when you keep the jokes clean?
Yes, you don’t need swearing but you should have the freedom to do it. This state already fines people so much we don’t need anymore.
Agreed. What is your favourite word?
Bastard, personally. It is light but it has a nice ring to it.
That’s barely a swear word. That’s a parent swear word. Do you try anything stronger around them?
Anything, my parents are here today.
If they also think bastard is a swear word I think they may be in for a bit of a shock.
What brought you out?
John: I was just wandering by and I was surprised by this bizarre law.
It’s a funny thing, talking about funny, can you bring the laughs without swearing?
John: Billy Connolly says it's all down to punctuation – a period, an exclamation mark. You don't need to swear, it's all about periods and timing.
Yeah I think periods are funny too. Funny and gross.
What brought you out today, other than to smoke that joint on Bourke street in front of a million cops?
Andrew and Donna (joint not pictured): To defend free speech. If people get offended it’s their own fault.
What is your favourite word?
Good to keep it interesting I guess. At least you made up for the past few people who thought bastard was still a swear word.
Well you two are adorable. What are you doing here?
Abigail: Heard about it over the internet.
Yeah the internet is awesome. What’s your best swear?
Abigail: I just mostly call people cows, I’m quite innocent.
I bet your folks just love you, what is the worst word you can get away with around them?
Abigail: Not sure, haven’t really tested it, not really fuck, maybe bitch sometimes.
Hello young people. How do you feel about this whole thing?
CJ: Freedom of speech is our right, as I have written on me.
So you do. What is the best word?
Could you use it around your parents?
I say whatever in front of my folks, I’m an adult so they can’t say what I do.
That’s the spirit. Are you as funny without swearing?
Depending on the situation, some jokes and stuff are good with swearing and stuff but some don’t need it.
Can you make a whole sentence totally out of swears?
Dicks fucking cunts.
The best of the day. Thanks
WORDS: WENDY SYFRET
PHOTOS: MAXWELL FINCH
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