How to bake titty-milk cupcakes

By Alex

Boobs
Would you like to know how to make those spongey humps of sin, aka titty-milk cupcakes, which we told you about in this issue of the magazine? Don't act all uppity and disgusted, they're moist and delicious and beat a regular old cow milk cupcake in a totally biased taste test with odds stacked way against it. Get ready to lick the bowl...

To make chunky chocolate boob-milk cupcakes you need the following:

2 cups of flour

2 teaspoons of baking powder

a pinch of salt

half a cup of cocoa

1 cup of sugar

2 eggs

100 grams of butter

one cup of lady boob-milk

one huge bar of chocolate

toppings of choice

Instructions:

Milking the human tit was hard! First the milk just wouldn’t come out, so we had tea and chatted about how disastrous diapers are to the environment. I was just about to ask how her baby shits when one of the boobs was ready, it was all swollen and felt stiff. The stream was tiny and it took ages to ﬁll the glass. When we were done the baby actually had to take a shit—she undressed him and he took a diaper-free dump mid-air in my kitchen.

After a while, the milk from the human tit got watery with big chunks of white stuff in it, but when we mixed it, it looked like regular store bought cow milk, even smelled like it. I’ve heard breast milk is supposed to taste like leftover milk from a bowl with frosted cornﬂakes—yummy! This tasted like skimmed milk only sweeter.

Break up the chocolate bar and stir in with the cocoa. Add eggs and ﬂour. Stir until smooth. Pour into cupcake tins lined with papers and bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes.