I hate The Smiths

By Bruno

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The Smiths. Man, I fucking hate them. They fucking suck and Morrissey is a total dickhead. I've never liked them. I was fairly sure I was alone on this one but it seems that I am not. Ben Rayner has had an epiphany and he too now hates the Smiths. A LOT. As does this guy. Here's a BBM conversation we had yesterday.
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Sunday

Ben Rayner: I hate The Smiths. I've just decided.

Me: So shit.
Ha ha. They can fuck off

I hate Morrissey. People are devalued once they tell me they love them/him.
Yep. They're so Christian. I hate him. I just decided I really hate them and I am going to burn all their records.

Hahahahaha. I always have hated them – they have one good song ("How Soon Is Now?"). That's less than U2 and I hate them too.
I'm gonna piss on them. Yep. Tommorrow. I might shit on them.

Hahahahaha.
What shall I do? Shit on 'em, wank on 'em, piss on 'em?

Why all of a sudden have you noticed they suck so much?
I was just thinking about them and decided I hate them more than anything else.

I'd rather listen to anything else. Or nothing at all. They influenced nothing I like about music.
I really hate Cameron Diaz too. Shall we just join the IRA?
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Monday
So, we thought it fitting to follow through with Sunday's tough hangover talk with action, Smiths-record-burning action. These were not bought for this article, these are from his own personal collection. If I somehow ever find myself owning these records I’ll do the same thing.

Me: So, yesterday you said you wanted to burn Smiths records and piss on them. And guess what...
Ben Rayner: Yep. That’s exactly what I did.

Feels good, huh?
It was so liberating. Now I am sitting here listening to Motorhead.

Hahaha, you think Stoke Newington has put a curse on you now?
Probably. We should have done it at the top of Brick Lane, really. Or, even better, in Manchester. I hate Morrisey, I hate The Smiths, I love Motorhead.

Fair enough, they suck. Not Motorhead.
I think pissing on them was the most liberating part.

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Yeah? Why that bit particularly? What was going through your mind as the urine doused the flames?
It’s basically me pissing on shit music and all The Smiths fans around the world.

You think this might force people to re-evaluate their opinions on The Smiths?
Yep, I hope so. Listen to Motorhead, The Ramones and The Misfits. Not The Smiths.

Hahahahaha
I used to love The Smiths but the other night I was just thinking about what I hate about them. I hate their fans, I hate Morrissey and I especially hate people who think he's a genius. I mean the dude doesn't even eat meat.

Any last sentiments?
Yep. Fuck The Smiths, they are for chicks from Brooklyn.

Hahahaha.
I'm gonna go do acid and listen to Motorhead.

Do that. Next week The Clash?
Yep, I hate them too.


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JONATHAN ROCKWELL

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