Jamie Taete's Internet Landfill
50 CENT LOSES WEIGHT, WOWS CRITICS TELEPATHICALLY
I for one cannot wait to see this. 50's "most critically acclaimed role of his career"? That's big. Especially because I just googled it and no critics have even seen the movie yet. It hasn't been reviewed a single time. I guess 50's performance is so powerful that film critics were just able to feel the raw emotion shooting out across the universe from the set. Either that or, because it's not been reviewed by anyone, it is his most acclaimed by default. Either way, I'm excited to see what 50 will rage Tweet when he doesn't get nominated for an Oscar.
Also, what the fuck is wrong with the editing on this trailer? This is the official trailer. Not a fan made one. Did he get one of G-Unit to knock it together for him on Windows Movie Maker or something?
PEAK OF FABULOSITY DISCOVERED
Jeez parents! Stop this! I can understand that when a kid Jessie Slaughters their way onto the internet and gets destroyed, that it is not something you can really stop, but Rebecca Black and this guy? You're out of your fucking minds if you thought any good would come out of putting this on the world wide web. I thought old people were supposed to be scared of the internet?
DOUBLE RAINBOW: STILL HILARIOUS
This is a viral video SmartWater and Jennifer "the personification of mineral water" Aniston have made called "Jennifer Aniston sex tape". Now I know what you're thinking, but it's not what it looks like: "Jen" didn't really agree to be videotaped having sex for a mineral water ad. It's actually a HILARIOUS viral video that pokes fun at the concept of viral videos!
I almost didn't want to put this here, because I didn't want to give it any extra hits (on account of it being the worst thing ever), but I feel it deserves to be seen by everyone, if only to make them feel better about their own lives because they didn't go from being the highest paid woman in television, to a woman who is forced to make weird sexual jokes about babies and dogs to flog something that people can get for free.
However, this isn't the worst viral-video related thing to have happened this week:
This steaming pile of garbage is. Get it? It's all of those people from those internet videos you got sick of two years ago! And they're reenacting the thing that made them famous! Only this time they're doing it in a different location and without any of the spontaneity or charisma that made them popular in the first place! "Double lamppost?" Fuck, that shit SLAYED me! SO GOOD. "She's climbing in our portals, messing our internet up." Man where do they come up with this stuff? Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go watch the "Numa Numa guy" video. That guy RULES!