Stuff

Jamie Taete's Internet Landfill

By Jamie Lee Curtis Taete

NEW PRODUCT TO BE MARKETED TO PEOPLE, PLANTS, CATS

Straight off the bat, I feel I should point out that I have no monetary investment in this scheme, I'm just a lover of great ideas and I think this is something that everyone could benefit from hearing. All she needs is $500,000. To all of those people out there working at internet start-ups that hope to launch viral content through fully socially enhanced vertically integrated image blah blah, take note: It's the simple ideas that really work. People LOVE air. This bitch is gonna be richer than Oprah by the end of the year. Guaranteed.

NOTED PEOPLE TRAFFICKER DRIVES TANK THROUGH WALL

"Wow, this is pretty boring... I wonder why this is even on here... why should I give a shit about some local news story about chickens... I mean sure, the force used was a little excessive but that's the kind of – WAIT, HE DID WHAT!?!?!?"

Also, I bet he was listening to this song while doing it.

FUTURE OF DANCE REVEALED

LOL all you want, but if the sexification of dancing that has been ongoing since the 1920s continues at its present rate, this is how your daughter is going to be dancing at her primary school graduation disco in 2027.

BLACK EYED PEAS RELEASE HIGHBROW VIDEO WHICH YOU PROBABLY WON'T "GET"

This is what happens when someone like Will.I.Am (ie a moron with an unfathomably cruel stylist) is surrounded by people telling him he's a beautiful and unique artistic snowflake. "Hey guys, you ever seen this movie Lost in Translation? It's an art film. Pretty weird, but I was into it. Can I have $10,000,000 so I can remake it? Thanks."

By the way, it took twelve people to write this steaming pile of electro-dogshit. You know what electro-dogshit is? It's a pile of dogshit connected (via crocodile clips) to your face.

JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE