There comes a time in every grown man's life when Speedos just won't cut it. A time when a man's basket craves something just a little bit more elegant than aquatic whitey tighties. Michael David is the founder and head designer of Koala Swim, a company that specialises in sexy swimwear for men. The swimsuits range from your average thong to pieces that are held on using only a butt plug and cock ring. A picture of Koala's Changed Man bikini, a sexy little number that turns your package into a bloated vagina, has been doing the internet rounds recently. I had to have a word.
The Changed Man
VICE: What is it about Koala swimwear that gets all the guys so riled up?
Michael David: Well, we have many different types of designs, so we appeal to a lot of different interests. We have feminising suits, which we call "male to female transformation wear," and then we have the enhancement suits, which make you look as big as possible down there. And we also have the sexy swimwear designs, which a lot of guys are just really, really into.
What's the deal with the feminising suits? Where does everything go with the Changed Man bikini, for instance?
That one was actually our most popular item last summer. What happens is your shaft is pushed inside of you, and then the triangle-shaped pouch holds it down flat.
It's funny, we've used it on models of all different sizes, and whether they're three inches or eight inches, it works the same. It pushes it in, holds it flat, and then the balls are split with the splitter and pulled backwards to form a vagina. Kind of a swollen vagina but, you know, it has the right effect.
Do people actually wear your suits to the beach?
Sure, if it's a beach that allows that type of swimwear. Some guys try to get away with it anyway. The funny thing is, though, we have a lot of women who order that model for their guys because they're into that kind of slave and master relationship – they want the man to be feminised. We also have a lot of men who are curious about being transsexual and want a taste of it. Then there are transsexuals who order it to wear under their clothing because it makes them look like they have a vagina.
Like a day-to-day thing?
Yeah. We design them as sexwear/swimwear, but a lot of people wear them daily. We have guys who start off ordering one, but then quickly order five more. So you can get an idea of what they're doing with them.
What's the ratio of gay to straight to transsexual men who are buying your stuff?
I'd say it's a pretty interesting mix. It's a guess on my part, but based on how many orders are placed by women and how many men who talk about their wives, I would say about 50 percent are straight.
The South Beach
I know. Then it's probably 25 percent gay/bisexual, and the rest transsexuals.
Where in the world is your stuff most popular?
We do a lot of sales in the States. The real hotspots are southern California, Florida, and New York.
Why do you think that is?
Well, you know, those places are almost like different countries when it comes to attitude. The whole Bible Belt region is like a different world from the coasts.
Why do you think more men don't wear bikinis?
I have a feeling that a lot of guys feel like you're gay if you wear something like that. Although, I know loads of straight guys who, after trying on one of the suits, end up shaving, cleaning themselves up, and getting a great tan rather than a tan that starts below your knees. I've been to Europe plenty of times and I know it's completely different from the States, in that respect. I mean, I have friends there who say, "If you see someone walking down the beach in board shorts, they're almost definitely American."
I don't know about that – you've obviously never been down to Newquay on a summer's day.
Yeah, I guess. But board shorts are starting to fade away more and more because they really are kind of silly. That being said, I think it's a matter of overcoming fears of what other people will think, but once we convert them, they stay converted. It's hard to go back.
The Suspended Penetration
How many people have you personally converted?
It's funny, I wear them exclusively at the beach now. I go to more progressive beaches, like Venice, where there are a lot of guys wearing thongs and bikinis, but I wear, like, ultra g-strings. I'm basically just waiting for the police to come and write me a ticket, but they never do. Anyway, I have people – men and women – come up to me the whole time and ask me where I got my swimwear because they want to try it out themselves.
I guess there’s so much sexy stuff out there for women that when people see sexy menswear, they get kind of excited.
Right. Well, we've been doing it for 16, 17 years and we're more of a year-round company compared to other swimwear brands, because half of our business is classed as men's lingerie and sexwear. Our sexwear is just as hot as our swimwear because we design products that enhance the sexual experience whether you're gay, straight, bi, confused, solo, or whatever.
What's your design process? How do you get new ideas for each product?
Well, I receive requests from customers all over the world, but a lot of it is just things I like, you know? Something that I feel would look good or something that feels good to wear. Especially with sex stuff, it's like, can I be as nasty as I want?
So, if a design gives me a great hard-on, and makes my cock look fantastic, that's kind of the process.
I wasn't aware male sex swimwear existed until a friend linked me to your site. Can you describe some of your sexier models?
Well, we have a lot of suits that have anal insertion parts to them. I mean, it's pretty funky having a swimsuit that goes up your butt. We have this product called an Ass Spark, which is a combination cock ring and anal plug, but those two parts actually hold the suit together. They are the hottest suits we've ever made. I'm sure there are plenty of gay guys buying them, but there are many straight guys, too. I think it's becoming a little less taboo.
What, cock rings and anal plugs?
Yeah, sure. We've had a lot of European models who say, like, "Oh, yeah, I'd do anal, it's no big thing." You know, it's not so taboo in Europe, but in the States it's still a taboo. The guys are way more uptight, but I think some are starting to loosen up.
And you’re helping people do that. Is there anyone you look up to in the existing world of sex swimwear?
You know, I don't think there's anyone out there doing quite what we're doing. There are companies I really like who may not be doing fetish swimwear, but they're really into fetish in general. The Stockroom, which I think you have in Europe, would be an example. They're really crazy. Some of their toys give me ideas for new designs. Like, I'll see something they're making and think, "Oh, I could use that plug in a sex suit," or, "That would be a good way to hide the shaft and balls in a swimsuit."
What design are you most excited about in your next line?
Oh my God. Well, we have 13 new things coming out, but I'd say I'm most excited about one of the sex suits. It’s like an over the shoulder, penis-stretching, hard-on arousing, anal-inserted design that we just know guys are going to go crazy about. You put it on and you get hard.