Meet the Niertkos: Best Dude Ever?
We have a friend of the family by the name of Chris Germaine (we try to only surround ourselves with people named Chris. The black lion in our Christmas card? Also Chris.) and he might be the best dude ever. He is as American, salt of the Earth as they come, and he is a super-duper hunter, as you can see from the photos.
That stuffed bear? Biggest bear shot in New Jersey that year. He has run out of room to hang all the deer heads he has. And did I mention he hunts with Ted Nugent? He does. And he has a Ted Nugent pinball game that I think tilts too much but that might have something to do with how I play.
Years ago I interviewed The Nuge and he told me he had, “Thousands and thousands of confirmed kills. I mean, in the 70s and 80s, I used to keep track of such things, and there were years of 400-500. I have since modified my gut-piled jihad to be strictly effective, not just wanting. So everything I kill now is put to the maximum utilization.” Chris is the same way: Nothing goes to waste.
But he is not just an animal hunter; he’s an animal lover. In his backyard he has pens with peacocks and llamas and emus and all sorts of creatures and up until last year he had a pet bear. (I don’t know what kind. I don’t know much about bears but it never attacked anyone, so it wasn’t that kind.)
Chris also has some of the best dress suits I’ve ever seen. I wish Vice would do a fashion layout with him. He has one that is entirely an American flag, another suit that is all camouflage (he becomes invisible on his couch), one that has cowhide on it (maybe horsehide? I don’t know.).
But what makes him the best dude ever is that every time we get together he gets Lonnie riled up to the point where Lonnie is compelled to throw full cups of water, beer, wine, coffee, whatever on Chris’s face and chest. And he just laughs it off. Then Lonnie laughs it off. I’m not sure if I’d laugh off a scalding cup of coffee to my chest but I guess that’s what makes that Chris more awesomer than me--Chris.
I think he also has a story about being drunk 20 years ago and crashing his car into the police station and that’s why he doesn’t drink anymore, but I forget how it goes.
I just figured you should know about him. He’s the best.
On an unrelated note, remember last year when I told you how about accidentally getting skateboarder Mike Anderson’s girlfriend pregnant? I had told him there was only one or two days out of each month a girl can get pregnant and two weeks later his girlfriend, Daisy, was knocked up. Well, it's 12 months later and the baby is a few weeks away from being born. Last weekend theyheld a baby shower/mini-ramp jam in Ventura, CA, and I flew out since I am mostly responsible. You can see photos here.
And video here.
(For more stupid go to Chrisnieratko.com)