©2014 VICE Media LLC

    The VICE Channels

      Meet the Nieratkos - Do you want to see my wife's tits?

      September 3, 2009

      BDAY

      Do you?

      IMG_2870

      Well, these with the birthday candles are not them. Although “they’re real and they’re spectacular.” No, these are a friend’s boobs.

      My wife received a plaster caster belly mold when she got pregnant. I came home the other day to find her butt naked in my living room with another blonde bent over her. From my vantage point it looked as if the blonde was in my wife’s crotch and instantly I thought all my dreams were coming true.

      Sadly, it was only my sister-in-law and she was wrapping plaster strips under my wife’s lower baby belly.

      But for those who beg for naked photos of my wife, here is the shot of her naked breasts, albeit covered in plaster.

      Crissie cast 2

      Picture 7
      I was going to use an actual topless photo of her for my book, Skinema, but I chose not to when I learned VICE was only going to be charging $15 for the book. I felt my wife’s tits were worth far more than that.

      Baby Update

      Yesterday my wife’s female OBGYN finger banged her and I got a boner. Then it went away when the doctor said there was no news, no change, and that my wife has at least another week to go.

      I want this kid out now and if he doesn’t come out soon I plan on grounding him and not letting him out of the house for the first month of his life!

      Two nights ago he tried to stage a coup. I saw entire feet and hands trying to push their way out of the womb. He wants out. We want him out. I don’t see the problem.

      I told my wife we should have sex and that’ll help loosen things up and jar him out. I also suggested that maybe he could wrap his hands around my wang and I could just pull him out.

      I’m still waiting for her to give me an answer…

       

      Comments