Minority Report - London Gay Pride
I could just do a regular report on gay pride like all the rest of the LAMEstream media. But this is fucking VICE fucking MAGAZINE, the publication that brought you that story about the Botswanan cowboy metalhead scene. Not wanting to disappoint, I decided to try and hunt down the nichest niche members of the LTGBTBGBQI scene at this year's London Pride.
I'm going to be giving them a score out of ten using those uncontacted Amazonian tribe-members as a visual rating scale. A "one" being someone your mum would be friends with, a "ten" being someone Channel 4 would make a Bodyshock documentary about.
LGBT SEX SLAVES
"These are my slaves. This is my 28th pride. When I first started doing this, I would know about half of the people marching and we'd all end up partying in the same room afterwards. Now it's grown to this... I still think it's important to show people that BDSM does happen in the LGBT community."
LGBT SCUBA DIVERS
"Sometimes regular scuba people won't want to dive with you. So it's nice to have a place you can feel safe, ya know?"
LGBT LAWYERS (AND THEIR ALLIES)
"I ain't gay, but I definitely support it. Loads of my mates and colleagues are anti-gay but like, it's the 22nd century, you can like whatever you wanna like."
I tried talking to the truckers who were setting up the crowd control barriers about the "Gay Truckers Club" sign on their lorry, and they had no idea what I was talking about. Though it's totally juvenile and homophobic to mock someone by implying they're gay and blah blah blah, this is still a pretty funny prank.
Minority rating: N/A
"The Muslim community in general is definitely a lot better about gays than you would think, but I'd still prefer it if you didn't show my face. I don't wanna get disowned by my family."
"There's a lot of dispute in the asexual community as to whether or not we should be marching in an LGBT pride march, but I think it's important for us to be here. Just because we're asexual, doesn't mean we don't have romantic attractions, and they could very easily be with a member of the same sex."
LGBT MEMBERS OF STARFLEET DRESSED IN JEDI ROBES
"It's just me today. I'm marching for all the other people that can't be here. Many of them are disabled. We're a bit like the Starfleet from Star Trek, but we're based in the present rather than the future."
"It's a pretty common misconception that Sikhs are anti-gay, but we actually see sexuality as a natural part of the human state. Homosexuality is not mentioned in the Guru Granth Sahib, therefore we assume that the ten living Gurus believed it to be inconsequential."
"We're here to represent the force and ourselves. And because it's going to be really really fun!"
"The Jewish community isn't very accepting of us gays. But it's getting better, we just came here from Tel Aviv pride and that was fabulous."
LGBT PRISON OFFICERS
"We all met one other at the union meetings. We're all really well accepted within the prison system. By both the prisoners and the staff. Most people expect the opposite."
LGBT NANDO'S WORKERS
"We're here because we love being gay, we love Nando's and we love to paaaaaarty!"
LGBT SEX WORKERS
"It's pretty weird that we're marching so close to the police and the military, but it's good, because they also need to know that we exist. I just hope that they see we're here to protest rather than to solicit ourselves and don't try and arrest us."
LGBT MEMBERS OF THE LABOUR PARTY
"We want to show that gay people are everywhere and not just on one street in London. The labour party hasn't had any discrimination since the 80s. We're a very inclusive party. Are you a member?"
"There's a huge overlap in the goth and LGBT communities, we're all proud to be a part of both."
"When people think about Christianity, they think we all have a very negative view of homosexuals. In my experience, there's been a lot of positive reactions too. It's nice being here today and being a part of something so large and positive."
LGBT POLISH PEOPLE
"It's VERY hard to be gay in Poland. There's just no sexual matrix. We face bullying every step of the way. I've been thrown out of nightclubs when the staff have realised I'm gay and there are no laws to protect us. Even though we're in the UK now, I think it's very important for us to be here and show solidarity."
"We want to show everyone today that scouting in the UK isn't the same as it is in the US. Over there, once you turn eighteen, if you're gay, you're out. Here we accept everyone and treat them equally."
JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE