MONTREAL - ESSENCE DU McGRAW

By viceland

One of the perks of hanging around the Vice office is the steady influx of free stuff. Someone posted recently about getting free makeup and that’s all well and good for the makeup wearing crowd, but what about something for the men? You know, something to get the ol’ XY pistons a-pumpin’ with all the power of eight stupid cylinders, if you follow my meaning. Well, my prayers were answered yesterday in the form of McGraw by Tim McGraw—the new men’s fragrance by Tim McGraw. Manliness itself bottled.

The world of male fragrance has long been dominated by the image of
the sleek, effeminate swimmer-built fancy boy. But a man wants to smell
like a man, like he just got caught in the middle of a Greco-Roman
wrestling match between Joe Camel and the shirtless corpse of Charlton Heston. Lamentably, not only did McGraw by Tim McGraw disappoint on its promise
to “inspire men of all ages to live their voice and follow their dream”
(actual press copy), it also literally
gave me a headache.

The press release alleges that McGraw “opens with a bright note of
Bergamot (I have no idea what that is) that blends with spicy and
sweet notes of freshly grated Nutmeg for a vibrant and exhilarating
experience.” McGraw by Tim McGraw is also purported to possess the tang
of “rich and crisp Lavender wrapped in earthen Moss” and “notes of
Amber, Patchouli and Sandalwood.”

Besides Patchouli being the stink against which all gnarly stinks are
gauged, I was able to recognize no distinctive facets
to the aroma beyond something akin to boiled malt vinegar. Is this what Tim McGraw or his “essence”
actually smells like? Cause if so I'd be talking to a doctor about it instead of putting it out for the whole world to smell. But more
to the point, when did Country-Western performers get license to
endorse anything besides alcoholism, towing capacity, Manifest Destiny,
and secret blends of herbs and spices?

JOHN SEMLEY

By viceland 3 years ago Like · Comment · Share