MOST HAUNTED WITH JAMIE TAETE

Despite the fact that Most Haunted has been outed as fake over and over and over and over again (all of those overs were links to incriminating YouTube vids, in case you're lazy), it continues to be one of Living TV's most popular shows, which, according to a quick Google search I just did, means it gets anywhere up to 250,000 viewers!

If you've never seen the show before, the format is simple: a bug-eyed, jumpy ex-Blue Peter presenter called Yvette goes out into abandoned buildings with night vision cameras (this is because ghosts only come out in the dark, duh!) trained on her face. Off camera, "ghosts" (read: crew members) throw things and whisper. The viewer never gets to see this.

My sister (who is a nurse in the Midlands who regularly calls me to warn me that my horoscope is predicting bad things) applies for tickets for the show every time they're available. Last month was the first time she'd managed to get some because, for some reason, they're ridiculously popular. You even have to show a passport when you arrive because people have been selling them on eBay.

The show we went to was part of a week-long "investigation" called The Silent Town, and was filmed at a disused RAF base in West Raynham.

Which is way way out in the middle of nowhere.

Driving to it involved going down a lot of roads that looked like this. This might not look that scary, but as someone who makes my housemate come to the toilet with me after I watch X-Files, I was shittin' it.

The base itself was huge and terrifying. I don't really remember how big Yvette said it was in her intro – I think it was, like, 400 hectares? Does that sound right? I have no idea how big a hectare is. It thought it was something they said on The Simpsons to make fun of Russians.

There was extra security there because the Daily Mail had "uncovered a plot to disrupt filming and attack Yvette". They must have let an intern write that one, because I looked into it, and what actually happened was somebody left a post on an urban exploration (ew!) forum which said, "If someone does a hit on that dippy old cow, there's a pint in it."

When I agreed to go, I didn't realise that Paul "biggest douche of all time" Ross was the presenter. This picture was probably taken while he was namedropping his brother Jonathan Ross. He did this A LOT. Oh, the rest of this post is going to be pictures I took of the show from TV, as I wasn't allowed to take photos inside.

The show opened with Yvette doing a Ouija board from the middle of the audience. Weirdly, rather than spelling out a word or a name, it spelt out mine and my sister's teenage MSN usernames! As we were laughing this off...

...it spelt out the number on my housemate's Most Haunted entry wristband! HOLY SHIT!

The Ouija was interrupted when these two produced a stone that a spirit had thrown at them. Paul Ross (even typing his name has made my hands clench) said it felt cold, "as though it had come from outside". SPOOKY!!

This was during some sort of audience Q+A. I was hoping somebody would ask something like, "Why don't you guys have a mini-DV camcorder on a tripod in each room during your investigation? That way you might pick up something other than Yvette's weak-chinned face." But, you had to apply beforehand if you wanted to ask something, so they managed to vet it down to, "Which do you prefer: live investigations or pre-recorded ones?". My memory is hazy, but I think Yvette said they preferred live ones. Good to know!

These two are the show's historians. Which meant they sat at a table pretending to type on their Most Haunted-branded laptops for the duration of filming. They had a lot of theories about what the numbers and letters the Ouija spelled out might mean. Basically, it boiled down to: something that had numbers and letters probably was on this VERY SITE at some point between pre-history and now. If that doesn't prove the existence of paranormal beings, I don't know what will.

At this point, the "vigil" started. As we were sitting in an aircraft hangar watching the footage on monitors, I kind of zoned out.

When I zoned back in for a second, a piece of unspecified equipment took a reading of 29. Judging by how hard my sister was squeezing my arm, I assumed this meant something bad.

Then we were back to Yvette's face. And my mind wandered again.

Toward the end, I asked my sister what I'd missed.

Apparently there was a lot of tapping, whistling, creaking and ghostly moans. Tragically, none of this was caught on camera.

On the way out, my boyfriend Jordan got a picture with Paul Ross. Facebook profile pic for life!!

After the show had ended, I convinced my sister to "get lost" in her car on the base, so we could conduct an investigation of our own. We drove up to this abandoned silo (I'm not sure if that's the right word, but that's what they were called on Command and Conquer, so I'm going with it), but as we were about to get out she got "a really bad feeling" and made us leave. Bummer!

JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE