Mother I Am Going To Army
At the end of last year my younger brother signed up to join the US army because he's a patriot, his stand-up comedy career isn't making him any money and my mum is sick of having him around the house. Before he left he was quoting the hook-handed guy from Arrested Development a lot, saying stuff like, “Mother, I am going to army!”
When I told him I was gonna write this article, he asked me to tell people that he's in the regular army, and not bother mentioning the National Guard – which he's actually become a part of – because no one knows what it is. Essentially, it's kind of equivalent to the British Territorial Army, except over in the States the National Guard are no longer considered the clowns of the military. As long as America keeps sticking its nose into other countries' business, there's a very real chance my brother will be sent away to the Middle East and possibly die soon.
At the moment, though, he's still in training. I sent my brother a letter asking if he'd gone crazy yet and this was his response:
I like how he jumps around from discussing the tone of the place to asking about video game and movie reviews, before closing it with an odd remark about his battle buddy.
Then my friend Matt and I sent him letters. I mentioned that photos of his army group were on Facebook and Matt said that he was proud of him and asked him to please not kick his ass when he returned home.
He liked to mention odd facts about his battle buddy, whose former meth habit ruined his teeth and earned him the nickname “Beetlejuice.”
Here's another letter from my brother discussing being tired. Also, he likes Bioshock.
I recently spent some time with my brother after he returned from his training and he calmly talked about how a big part of basic is accepting that you may die. He expects to be deployed in the next one to three years. I asked him what he'd like us to do with his body if he's killed and I videotaped his answer.
My brother is trying to get stand up comedy gigs and is attending a lot of open mic nights in LA, so if you hear of anything let him know through his Facebook page.