Film

New York - Being a pest on a movie set

By viceuk

We found out that a movie starring Jennifer Aniston was shooting right up the street, which we definitely don't give a shit about, but we wanted to get our bright-and-bushy-tailed intern Jesse Z. some real shoe-leather reporting experience. So we sent him out to get the starlet's autograph, and while he was at it, why not ask the entire crew for autographs? Fuck it, get the people ogling this garbage on the street, too. As it turns out, Jesse's actually a Jennifer Aniston fan, so this was a bit of a dream assignment....

The first person I saw with a set card was tossing mannequins out of a truck. When I asked him if he had seen Jennifer he looked at me like I was the biggest jerk off he had ever met then pointed up the street. When I arrived I found myself on the wrong side of the police barricade so I casually passed out cigarettes to cops and fire fighters trying to get information on where she might be. They had nothing for me, but when I asked a production assistant about Jen she told me that she wasn’t shooting today.

As I sat sulking on a curb next to a gaggle of housewives from Long Island, I noticed that a guy in blue kept running to the ledge of a roof top with a camera trained on him. I leaned over to a woman named Phyllis and asked who it was. “That’s Gerard Butler," she said. "He played King Leonidas in 300.” At least I now had a real-life celebrity to focus on.

These two wonderful women were my insiders who consoled me in my time of need. They know how creepy this whole scene looks but they don’t give a fuck. IT’S GERARD BUTLER.

I couldn’t tell if this guy was famous or not so I took a picture of him thinking I would be able to figure it out later. I can’t.

These two met near the shoot. They were both carrying little dogs, which is as good a reason as any to hook up in this town.

I think this guy threw me out of a club once. He couldn’t remember. When I told him I was a writer he asked me how he could get into the game and I said I couldn’t remember.

I bummed a smoke to this dude and he told me how much overtime he was making thanks to Jen and Gerard. We talked about how lay-away is making a huge comeback now that everyone’s credit card is maxed out.

I was into these three until one of them came down on Jen for her choice in men. I took their picture so I could call them stupid JAPS behind their backs.

Top Secret Intelligence report on my main man Gerard and what he’s up to while in NYC. I’m thinking about sending him an email letting him know he can crash at my place if his sucks.

The man in action. This is about the twentieth time he had to run to the ledge of this roof and make faces.

This was the only cool guy in the bunch and he felt the same way about me. He tipped me off about a private party on the rooftop of the Empire Hotel that Jack Black was going to be at later. I went--tried sneaking in through the back door but no dice.