News

New York - Toxi-Jocks

By VICE Staff

Ugh, why do people keep doing crap like this? A study on the relationship between energy drinks and risky behavior in jocks? Do you have any idea how much time and money and brainpower gets sunk into putting together these "studies"? OK, I don't know either, but assuming it's a positive figure in any of those areas at all, it is already unworth it.

While we're at it, why doesn't somebody get a grant to write a paper about the relationship between wearing headphones in public and answering people's questions too loudly? Or how about trying to determine the correlation between publishing a study on teens and/or a recently popular consumer product and the likelihood of snagging some space in the last ten minutes of the local news?

Jesus, and then the writer's got to close the story with a cute little quippy coda from Pepsi's PR folks "We expect consumers to enjoy our products responsibly" like it's a punchline. I fucking hate people.