ON TOUR WITH SOME FAT RACISTS

Henry Langston's report in our new Stardust and Moonbeams issue from the front line of the English Defence League's recent nationwide tour is both interesting and repulsive. After finishing the story, Henry didn't stop following the skinheads. Here's what he had to say about the rest of the tour, which ended (spoiler alert) with him getting punched in the mouth outside of a Mickey-D's.

After their last rather tepid march outside the Houses of Parliament, I thought about giving up on the EDL all together, but a mixture of curiosity and obsession took me to their latest two marches in Bolton and Dudley where everything kicked off again.

Bolton was a shit-storm of bad judgment by the racists. At first the quiet EDL were emasculated by the anarchic behavior of the UAF hippies. And then, when they tried to reassert their thuggishness they took it too far, the police let the dogs loose and the EDL were driven back to the station before they could bore the world to death with their shit speeches.

After the UAF set fire to some bins the police started arresting random crowd members. The mixture of rain, mud, and dog shit made the ground pretty slippery. Lots of disgruntled hippies collapsed in it.

With the police too interested in arresting and (possibly) torturing members of the UAF, they knocked down this 90-year-old WWII veteran who--judging by his threatening poster--won't forget their mistake. OAP retribution was in the cards.

Finally the EDL turned up and as usual gave me a sweet welcome.

The EDL take this crusade against Muslims and the left-wing so seriously they're willing to get tattoos on their necks, this one says: UAF Scum Hunter.

After the police had had enough of the EDL they released the dogs, which made the big hard skinheads run away like little girls. Then the cops just stood around looking like Clint Eastwood.

Dudley, Pete Wentz's favorite town in England, apparently laid out the red carpet for the EDL on the April 3rd rally. The UAF's counter demo was boring, so I left and found the EDL's gathering point. I killed a few hours mingling with the big media dicks from BBC and ITV before the EDL finally turned up and were put into their cage. Soon they got bored and decided to tear their impound apart, crashing through police lines and running through the town destroying any shops that weren't already boarded up.

The reason behind the EDL's march was to protest a "super mosque" being built by the council. Here are some locals waiting for the party to start.

As usual, the EDL carried loads of paranoid and delusional banners. This one was my favorite. I like to pretend it just says: "This is England… Not!"

After the guys got tired of their cage and the police wouldn't let them leave, they descended into violence and random gropping of women.

Uh oh.

Shit, bad luck Dudley. Bad luck Pete Wentz.

When the light entertainment was done, the EDL just started goofing off. They're real fun guys.

Later on, while the police were busy laying down some brutality, myself and another two photographers made our way to our transport out of Dudley. As we passed a McDonald's a large group of EDL youths spotted us and ran over and punched me in the mouth. My fellow snappers protected me in the only way they know, taking photos and selling one to me for 50 quid.

There I am on one knee, looking great.

HENRY LANGSTON