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Porn and Cats and Porn

By VICE Staff

several-cards

In my family we give cat cards. Not just as a funny habit – as a rule you don’t dare break. If you have a cat – and, dammit, you will – you are also obliged to talk about your cat in the cat card. Aunt Susan’s cards always give us the skinny on what Agnes, Fiona and Marmalade (collectively known as the Mulie-Goolies) are up to. The cousins’ updates have never ended without a full report on Buckwheat’s wacky doings. My Spanish teacher aunt’s cards will never fail to tell me what her gatos have been doing, thinking, or even saying. But when my mum was helping me pick out thank-you cards for after my bar mitzvah, I had to put the kibosh on cat cards, and it nearly broke her heart. In this family, if you send someone a greeting card that doesn’t have a cat on it somewhere – or at least a paw-print signature on the inside – just forget it. It’s over.

But recently, and without my family knowing, I’ve started collecting a harder sort of feline picture: cats in porn. No, not as in bestiality--that's icky. I mean juicy stuff like this:

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black-cat

wtf

Curious to find out more about this purrfectly delightful new scene, I asked my roommate who makes a living as a "webcam girl" about her relationship to her lovely calico, Switch.

What does your audience think about the cat?
Switch has become the star of the show lately. Sometimes I’ll be talking or going at it with a vibrator, and the chatters are like, “Hey, is that your cat? Can, uh, can you move over?” I can’t see their faces, but sometimes they seem more interested in the cat than me.

 

Do you think she knows what’s going on?
She can definitely tell something’s up. When I’m doing a private show she goes absolutely nuts and starts running around on my bed. Some of the guys have a sense of humour about it, but I’ve had to kick her out before for being too distracting. I mean, they are paying $5 a minute to jack off to my show. It’s serious stuff. Then a lot of people are like, “Oh man, I would love to be that cat. That cat doesn’t even know how good she’s got it.” Which is a pretty weird thing to say when you think about it.

What other stuff do people say about her?
Oh, all the stupid jokes you would expect, “hey, pet your pussy” or “that’s a gorgeous pussy, and the cat’s cute too.” Then they’ll say, “bet you’ve never heard that before!” They all know it’s not original. One asshole did ask me if I put peanut butter on my vagina and have her lick it off.

Did you do it?
NO! Come on!

Have you ever thought about it?
I’ve thought about it just because other people suggest it, but I’ve never seriously entertained the idea. It’d be like doing it with my brother.

Does your audience ever request her?
One guy did ask if he could have a private show of just the cat. But really it’s a conversation piece. When you’re not in a private show, you just have to make small talk, and the cat is really good for that. At this point some of the regulars ask about her, too. I’ve gotten email from guys that think it’s really cool that I have a cat, because it makes me seem more “real.”

Is it ever distracting to have her watch you jerk off?
The only thing is when she starts moving around too much. She goes after the longer pieces of my hair sometimes and she starts batting at it, or she’ll attack my toes. I just put her on the floor when she does that. But if somebody wants me to do something more hardcore, like bondage or SM, I’ll just put her out of the room

How do you feel about cat gift cards?
I don’t really partake in it a lot. I get them from my mum and they’re kind of funny sometimes, but I don’t think I’ve ever given one. I wouldn’t rule it out for the future though.

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