Real-life Stories

Public Toilet Horror Stories

By VICE Staff

I'll bet you have your one public toilet horror story that you wheel out to prospective friends, or (if you lack subtlety and anything resembling charm) would-be apples of your eye, right? Prepare to feel that story cower in inferiority with this set of gross toilet tales. 

Illustrations by Sam Taylor. Follow him on Twitter @sptsam or visit his website at samtaylorillustrator.com.

PAEDO OR HEART ATTACK?

Back at school, before I could drive, my daily routine after a long day of learning would include killing time in the shopping centre that's connected to Northampton bus station – a bus station that's been voted one of the worst buildings in the country. Its public toilets do nothing to help its argument against that status.

One day, a 13-year-old me walked into my favourite cubicle to drain the main vein (there is no way you'd use a urinal in there, trust me) and as soon as I started to flow, I heard a weird, gurgling sound that reminded me of the noise a dying animal might make.

While still pissing and trying to not breathe through my nose, something poked under the cubicle wall and snuggled up against my left foot. I jumped, obviously, sending my urine stream everywhere, presumably onto whatever had just appeared under the wall. I looked down to see an old man staring at my dick, convulsing and making noises that scared me to death. Of course, I assumed that he was getting himself off at the sight of my tender, young member, so I murmured an unconvincing "fuck off" in my pre-puberty baby-voice, kicked the man in the head and scurried out of there to the safety of the bus stop.

In retrospect, I honestly hope the guy was having a wank, because otherwise I just pissed all over an old man while he was desperately asking for help, then kicked him in the head and ran away. I guess I'll never know.

Want more stories about public toilets that are too long to scrawl on their walls? Click through to the next page.

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