The Leveson Inquiry has been saturating our morality sponges for what seems like a thousand aeons. All the sordid secrets about illegal phone hacking, greased up politicians and Rupert "the daddy" Murdoch have surprised no one with a hint of intuition and shocked everyone who thought the world was run by nice people. Well, it's not. I'm so sorry for you. If anything, Leveson is now filling the demand for scandal left by the demise of the News of the World. Are you happy now, you animals?
The lure of interfering in other people's lives is clearly too much for anyone to resist. So if you were an arsehole, whose phone would you hack?
VICE: Whose phone would you hack?
Phillip, 34, chef: Yours.
You’d hack mine? For that you’d have to have my number first.
Oh, can I have your number?
Anyone apart from me.
I honestly don’t know, I’m just a chef.
What about Gordon Ramsay? You could tap his phone and find out his secret techniques?
Meh, you know what, I’m just one of those people who doesn’t want to know anyone’s business.
Martin, 38, courier: You know what? I do work for News International.
VICE: No way!
Yeah, I’m a courier.
So it would have to be Murdoch's, wouldn’t it? It would have to be the main man.
What would you do with his personal information?
Well, I wouldn’t be shy of passing it on, if I thought I wouldn’t be incriminated.
Charlene, 27, marketing: Most probably hack the local drug dealer, see who he’s selling it to, so I can give it a go.
Or the president, I think, yeah it would be someone in the government.
We don't have a president. If you found out some dodgy info would you publicise it?
Yeah, I’d sell it.
Jenny, 31, charity worker: Hi, are you lost?
Kind of, can I ask you a question?
Will it be done by the time I finished my cigarette?
I hope so.
Am I on voice recorder?
Yes, you are. If you worked for News International whose phone would you hack?
Oh, Rebekah Brooks.
Would you play your Rebekah Brooks recordings at parties for everyone to hear?
No. I’d use if for my own benefit.
Tania, 25 Letting agent: My ex-boyfriend, see what he's up to!
If you found out some really seedy information, would you make it public and embarrass him?
Previously - How Big Is the Internet?