School Diary. Episode 1 - Gash Clash
I'm Josephine Bloggs (big fat fake name) and I'm currently studying at ********* school in North London. You may or may not know of the school, it is more commonly referred to as 'Every Girl Available', or, more recently, 'Easy Girls Academy'. It’s a steaming pile of crap.
I'm one of a handful of white girls in my year (made up of 250 students), and I'm the only one who comes in more than twice a week. This basically means I’m everyone’s token whitey bitch and they all think I’m a slag. You can read about my academic pursuits in a weekly school diary I'll be posting here on the Vice blog. This way you fat hipsters can keep up with the kids.
One craze that hit my school a while back was Piczo. Piczo is like Blogger, only with a selection of glitter graphics and GIF images of marijuana leaves built into the designer. COOL.
Did you ever come across those picture rating groups on MySpace? Where you enter your photo and people vote who's hottest? Nearly every one on my friends list had some sort of MySpazz cult included in their screen name stating which vanity group they were members of. My favourite was [BIP] (Butters is Perfection). A similar feature is now sweeping Piczo in the form of Gash Clash. It’s a place where school kids can go to fight over who’s hotter or tougher. The site is basically just some photos and a shout-box but things can get pretty nasty, and there have been follow-up fights thanks to the result.
Everyone includes a link to their Gash Clash on their MSN screen name and spam all their contacts with it to get more votes. PR skills.
According to one girl in my class, I had a good chance of winning a Gash Clash if I, “thlick daan dat baby hair blad”. So a couple of months ago I entered one and told my mate Amelle. She kindly offered to whore it out on her Bebo and the like... natch, I won. In fact, my opponent got some fucking awful feedback:
"Bluddd da sket on da rite is a paper bag ting"
"lol gyash numba 2 luks waiiss, allow it bruv"
"wag1 wiv dat chick do? lol!"
Victory. The sad truth is my opposition was my male best friend, but no one who voted had ever heard of boys having long hair.
Gash Clash is the tip of the iceberg with this rating stuff. Other ones include:
Bak Off Clash - 'WOT GYAL GOT DA BAK OFF' (This is where you compare arses)
Shadez Clash - 'WHICH GYAL IS LOOKIN SHO SHO WID SHADEZ' (This is where you photograph yourself wearing some sunglasses on)
2 Gyal System Clash - 'WOT 2 GYAL PIC IS MURKIN' (You and your bezzie vs. Your enemy and her bezzie, awww)
Mandem Alliance 'WOT MANDEM PIC IS MURKIN' (This is a crew on crew battle, excitin')
Viceland Piczo, soon cum.