All the Shit You Overhear People Say at a Fashion Show

New Zealand Fashion Week, the rare time of year when everyone who wears black in a thousand kilometre radius of Auckland, leaves their coffins to spend one whole week judging themselves and each other.

It's not necessarily an easy time. In fact, the endurance test that is NZFW can be pretty tough. Colin Mathura-Jeffree ignored you again, Amber Peebles is everywhere, and you can't move your arms because the blazer you're impractically wearing as a cape is too restrictive.

But, then again, there's always a candle in the darkness. Sometimes drinks can be free and your goodie bag might contain that travel-sized hair serum everyone loves. Also the designers showing are freaking talented, but nobody really cares about that. No, no. Everyone is here to see and be seen, and talk about all that seeing.

So headed down to NZFW, to eavesdrop on those conversations you can only hear at a fashion show.

"I really like her, she's great. Excellent taste in shoes."

"I feel so fucking casual."

"Can we not talk about politics right now please?"

"I get it blown three times a week now instead of just twice, so now it's just so easy to have long hair."

Girl One: "She had these like black leggings with this shirt tied over them like a nappy."
Girl Two: "Amazing though."
Girl One: "Yeah, amazing."

Girl One: "My lovely pale boots have been wrecked in the rain, I refuse to compromise though."
Girl Two: "Never compromise."

"I want a pie, I don't even care."

"Literally, I said to him, like, I'm going home, that is what I'm doing."

Guy One: "I was like dying but I know it's good for me."
Guy Two: "Yeah it totally works your muscles, if you keep doing it you'll be ripped."

Girl One: "We were supposed to meet in Ponsonby for lunch and she text me like half an hour ago all like "Oh, actually…"
Girl Two: "Ugh, classic Karen."

"I can't feel my legs."

Guy: "He's so lovely."
Girl: "Really? I think he's overrated."

"I've told her several times that what she says is racist. She always tells me I'm being ridiculous."

Woman (checking the photos her friend just snapped of her): "No they're all bad can you do it again?

Guy (touching girl's jacket): "This is so cool."
Girl: "Zambesi."
Guy: "How long ago did it come out?"
Girl: "Literally right now, it's summer."
Guy: "I never have any idea what stage Zambesi are at with their collection. They're always behind."

Girl (to friend with a coat draped over her shoulders): "Do you get nervous your jacket will fall off?"
Girl risking her jacket in the name of fashion: "Kind of."

"I have heaps of friends who have these expectations of what they think they're worth. I'm like, babe, I'm sorry, you don't have that much money."

"She's gorgeous and she was sitting right next to me at the show. I offered her a wine, then her boyfriend came up and shook my hand. He's a tennis coach."

"He slid into her DMs even though he knew she had a boyfriend."

Guy: "It's so narcissistic but why not?"
Girl: "I mean at least you know it will get you in street style."

"I just want to tell him I fucking hate him, you know?"

Girl One: "So it's like a panty, with the butt cut out…"
Girl Two: "Oh my god, and it sucks you in?"
Girl Three: "Yeah, it's amazing."

If you need any more opportunities to say "Yikes!", follow Beatrice on Twitter