Why the BBC's Celebrity Darts Competition Left Me Cold

The whole raison d'etre of darts is outlandish outfits and mugging for the camera to cheesy music, so it's hard to see how a charity version could push the boat out any further. If anything, Let's Play Darts for Sport Relief – the BBC's celebrity darts competition that began last night – was a more sombre affair than regular darts, taking place in a quarter-full Lakeside country club with a small hardcore of zany fans dressed in penguin costumes, silly wigs and horse heads in attendance.

There appeared to be fewer pitchers of lager knocking around, so you can only imagine this was filmed pre-10AM on some freezing Tuesday in January, the floor manager in a fleece and scarf, breath steaming in the studio lights, trying to incite mania among the confused crowd – "OKAY! Let's go really, really, REALLY mad for this one, guys!" – as cauliflower-faced, dwarf-bothering establishment sponge Mike Tindall does some boxing moves to "Boom! Shake the Room".

Which brings me to my main point: what does any of this have to do with charity? Is all the cash and effort expended in the name of this mirthless "fun" worth it to get a text number for donations on screen for a grand total of 30 seconds over the hour? (If you're wondering, I gave them £15, a price well worth paying to make this point.) Or are we just seeing an empty gesture towards "giving something back" in the only way TV knows how, with an hour of TV fluff?

I of course think we should be raising money for charity, and that entertainment can play a big role in that. I just wonder whether or not this counts as entertainment.

Let's Play Darts for Sport Relief continues BBC Two, Sunday, 9PM.

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