The Freaks of eBay
There isn't a more clear window into the soul of every pervert, miser, exhibitionist and criminal in the world than eBay. From leather-clad mums to mantelpieces covered in dildos, you can find every nook and cranny of secondhand eccentricity in an eBay photo.
Of course, you expect a certain amount of filth when entering search terms like "PVC catsuit" or "scally lad", but not when you are looking for something innocent, like a kitchen apron.
Possibly my favourite sort of eBay photo is the one where the poster has made absolutely no attempt to clear up, hide or disguise their filth of their house or bedroom. Or where you are given a tantalising glimpse into another person’s life, around which to build your own picture.
Now, I have nothing but love and admiration for a woman who carries her belongings around in a SuperValu plastic carrier bag (Ireland’s favourite supermarket), especially on her wedding day. And I think selling your wedding dress makes damn good financial sense. But really, the reason I love this woman so much is because she has posted photos of her wedding day, on the internet, in which her husband has been cut out of every single one. Take
that, Catholic church.
When it comes to eBay, Halloween is basically Christmas, Diwali, Eid and birthdays all rolled into one. It’s what the site was made for.
Sometimes you get a little bonus when looking for a costume, like this adventurous little stud above. Do you know what I look for in a husband? A good sense of humour, and a LOT of board games. Me and this guy are just perfect for each other. Boggle? He’s got three. Scrabble? Yup. Absolute solid-gold family favourite Game of Life? Abso-fucking-lutely.
Talking of prospective husbands, can we just take a second to talk about this guy?
Now, that pose is an absolute stone-cold knockout. It’s all "You looking at me?", with a little bit of Riverdance and some serious boyband eyework. The fact that he’s in a leather suit is just the icing on the cake. Plus, if you look at the picture right at the top, you can see he’s got nice comfy bedding. We’ve even got the same Ikea lamp! I mean, the guy’s a catch.
And let’s be honest, nothing says "naughty but slutty" like a leather-clad, splay-armed mannequin posing next to a rail of wedding dresses. Classy.
They say that sex sells. And nowhere is this more obvious than on the "well worn", private eBay auctions. And you know, if a pair of grubby hosiery is all if takes for you to get off, then good for you. You have fun.