The Hangover News
MAN DIES IN PORTALOO AT GLASTONBURY
What could be so bad that it'd force you to kill yourself in a portaloo?
Thankfully it wasn't a question we had to ponder too long this weekend, because early reports that Christopher Shale had committed suicide in the VIP area at Glastonbury proved false.
Shale was relatively big in the Tory game, presiding over the Conservative association which takes in David Cameron's constituency of Witney in Oxfordshire.
He was also a close friend of the Prime Minister's, but critical comments he'd made about his own party emerged in the Sunday 'papers – the Tories were seen as "graceless, voracious, crass, always on the take," he'd said, in a leaked strategy memo.
Shale was warned about this by someone at Tory HQ around the time of his death, which is perhaps why Michael Eavis and a few other people initially thought he'd topped himself.
It looks more likely now that he just suffered a fatal heart attack in an unfortunate place, at an unfortunate time – acts playing while the incident took place included Man Like Me, Tame Impala and Fujiya & Miyagi, while over on the Leftfield Stage, someone was chairing a debate on the topic of 'Green Jobs and Sustainable Futures'.
Festival security found Christopher Shale's body in a luxury winnebago on Sunday morning. He leaves behind a wife and three kids.
MAN DIES ONSTAGE AT GLASTONBURY
He came, he twitched, he looked too scared to sing, he wandered off disconsolately.
If anyone knows why Beyonce wanted to dutty wine with Tricky in front of 100,000 people last night, please let us know.
The only thing I can think of is that he's from Bristol, which perhaps qualifies him for "local hero" status, but the only kind of local hero he looked like last night was the the guy who used to walk around my home town shouting at himself with newspapers for shoes.
GHOST CITY DOESN'T APPEAR IN CHINA
Away from Glastonbury but keeping with the theme of temporary cities (did you know the population of Glastonbury is twice as big as nearby Bath, etc) some Chinese guys the Western media has been seeing some pretty strange things along the Xin'an River.
Where usually nothing but clear sky the skyline appears as normal above the river in Huanshan City, East China, recently locals have been seeing skyscrapers, trees, little castles and lots of other shit that isn't usually there some mist.
The Western media, bamboozled by too-literal translations of quotes from local residents, have reported that the whole skyline has been conjured into being by the strange mist. Some have even taken the residents of Huanshan at their word when they've described the mist as making the city beyond resemble a "vortex" to a lost civilisation.
It isn't a vortex to a lost civilization, however. It's just a bit of mist.
I never knew it was possible to film a mirage, and it turns out it isn't – our story has been edited after we were set right here.
PILOT KEEPS CRASHING HIS FAMILY INTO THINGS
Dr Stephen Hatch was a 46-year-old man who died in Indiana, US, on Friday night. He crashed a plane into a garage on the way home from a holiday, also killing his second wife, Kim, and putting his 16-year-old son Austin into a coma.
In 2003, Dr Stephen Hatch was a slightly younger man who survived a plane crash along with his 8-year-old son Austin. He crashed a plane on the way home from a holiday, killing his first wife Julie and their two children, Lindsay, 11, and Ian, 5.
A BULLY SAID SORRY
Though part of me thinks he's lying because he wants to hit him again.
Previously: The Hangover News