The Scent of a Woman's Vagina

Oh great, some German company have gone and designed an aroma, based on vaginas, for men. Vulva Original offers “the genuine scent of a woman” via an easy-to-use roll on applicator and will presumably attract rapists and dogs. We spoke to company head, Guido Lenssen.

VICE: Why on earth did you create a scent from a woman’s bits?
Guido Lenssen: The sense of smell as a human being is important and very underrated. When you’re in restaurant, you always ask how does the food taste, but you never discuss the smell. When I am with my wife, I prefer her natural body smell to other smells like perfume. The intimacy of her scent is important. In the erotic market I realised you can buy billions of sex toys but they’re all about touching or seeing or hearing. I wanted to address this sense of smell on the market.

Hmm. So what were the main obstacles in developing your very own fanny odour?
The most difficult thing was finding preservatives to add the scent as it only lasts around half a day without them. We had to find ingredients that made the product live longer but didn’t change the scent. We tried many ingredients from around the world and eventually found a combination that works.

Can you tell us what’s in the mix?
No. It’s our secret.

Can you confirm that there’s real vagina in there?
Almost everything on the sex market is based on fantasy. The toys are plastic, the movies use actors. Vulva is real. We tried several samples from women of all ages. We didn’t take the scent after someone had run a marathon or anything, but it is a combination of urine, sweat, and female arousal.

Urine? Lovely. How do you transfer the scent from lady to lab?
That’s also a secret. I can tell you we don’t get it from any masturbating techniques, or squirting into jars. I sometimes tell people that we got many women to sit on horse riding saddles for ten hours a day and took samples. But that’s not true.

You use a range of women or just one?
One. She’s the blonde woman on our website. Of course, we wanted to take the scent from a woman that looks nice, but we tried with a variety of women as it was ultimately smell based, not about looks. We took a year and a half to get it right.

How do we know that the scent comes from this beautiful woman and not a septuagenarian hunchback from Swindon?
Well there has to be an element of trust. I think when you smell it you will know it comes from a young woman.

How does one apply Vulva? Presumably you don’t splash it all over your neck before a night out.
You use it to enhance a situation, for example, maybe watching TV or a DVD, or with your partner. You can apply it to the back of the hand and use the aroma to add another dimension.

Will there be more Vulva products?
We see Vulva Original as being like the first dildo. There are many sizes of dildo available today and we will have many smells available. There is already development going on with Vulva 18 and Vulva Exotic, as well as a very aroused scent for the bad boys.

Don’t some people find it offensive?
Well my former website designer quit his job because he found it a disgusting, perverted, pornographic sort of thing. Maybe if it finds its way to the marketplace in Iraq or Dubai there will be a man with a sword waiting to chop off my head. But most people love it and are not offended.

Buy your pussy smell and watch the weird video, here!