FYI.

This story is over 5 years old.

Tech

'Satire' Is the Dumbest, Most Ridiculous New Website On the Internet

It's racist and treats its audience with contempt.

How some of Satire's ridiculous articles might appear in your Facebook feed

We’re all aware of the clickbait articles you get on Facebook. Upworthy. Distractify. Viral Nova. But beneath all of them in the moral hierarchy, a new site has sprung to massive popularity pretty much overnight, simply by saying some of the most vulgar, dumb and downright false things in history. It is called Satire, and – warning – it is coming to a Facebook stream near you.

Advertisement

Just how bad is Satire? Well, let’s have a look at some of the recent articles it has posted and see exactly why Satire is the worst new website in the world.

1. They Might Be Racist

Article: "8 More Unarmed Teens Still At Large" (link)

Well I’m sorry, Satire, but this is simply outrageous. These teens have done no one any harm. How can you say they are "still at large"? They’re NOT GUILTY OF ANY DAMN CRIME. It’s not a crime to be "unarmed", you idiots. If that were true, you should probably lock up half of America. Just like the Mail, Satire is using emotive language to try to scare you. And are we really to believe that it's just pure coincidence that the majority of the kids in the article are non-white? Or is it an indication of a much deeper, much uglier moral attitude festering beneath the surface? With a headline like that, are Satire seriously suggesting that the likes of Missouri 18-year-old Michael Brown "deserved" to die?

Come on, Satire, stop talking in riddles.

2. They Crudely Manipulate Your Heartstrings

Article: "These Clowns Are Still Beautiful Even Without Their Makeup" (link)

This is just a crass attempt to harness the power of clowns and personal empowerment to generate more "likes" on Facebook. Quit trying to jump on the bangwagon, Satire, it already left; #nomakeupselfies went viral five whole months ago! It’s almost a joke how badly they’ve got this one wrong.

Advertisement

3. They Publish Poorly-Researched Stories

Article: "5 Tragedies Weirdly Predicted By Adam Sandler" (link)

In their latest dispatch, Satire try to claim that Adam Sandler has predicted five major modern tragedies. It goes as far as to say that the comedian and all-round funnyman wore a T-shirt during a 2005 episode of Late Night With Conan O’Brien, that had: “BP OIL SPILL IN FIVE YEARS” written on it. I’ve tried to look up this so-called "episode", but there doesn't seem to be a single record of this happening. Did they just make it up? [Editor's note – Our lawyers have asked us to point out that we’re not accusing Satire of lying. But we do await further evidence to "clarify" their journalistic standards.]

4. They Treat Their Audience with Contempt

Article: "Area Facebook User Incredibly Stupid" (link)

This is really taking the P. People upvote your shit all over their news feeds, and you repay them by writing yet another clickbait article calling them stupid? Just so that people will get angry and click on it and be outraged at how you called them stupid? Do you think people are really that stupid? What a bunch of trolls.

5. But: Every So Often, They March to Their Own Beat

Article: "GlaxoSmithKline Releases New Drug To Treat People Who Just Feel Sort Of Weird Sometimes" (link)

Alright. For all of the evils they are perpetuating, to give Satire their due, they do also cover important stories that most of the mainstream media seem to have purposefully avoided. For exampe, I don't know if this is down to the influence of "Big Pharma" or whatever, but I have not read about GlaxoSmithKline releasing a drug to treat people who "just feel kinda weird sometimes" at a single other news site. It must count as a scoop.

Advertisement

Clearly, these guys occasionally put real money into proper journalism. More of this, please, and less of all that other nonsense. That way, Satire, maybe it wouldn't feel like you were setting out purely to hoodwink everyone.

To visit Satire, click here.

@gavhaynes

More from VICE:

Let's Consider: Beauty

How the Islamic State Became the Juggernaut It Is Today

Away from the Strip: One Night at Las Vegas Lounge