Why not Wrap Your Penis in a Stocking this Valentine's?

While we at VICE Style toil to bring you in-depth articles about prostitute-managed fashion labels in Sao Paulo, transvestites wearing bikinis made out of rats, Japanese kids who inject bagels into their faces and photo shoots set amongst suburban tower blocks in Russia, deep down we know that, really, all you want is quick, 30-second hits of dumb, weird, funny fashion news. That's why we created Tidbits, our frequently updated aggregator of all the dumbest, weirdest and funniest stuff we see, watch, hear or read on the fashion part of the internet. Here are this week's best.

COCK STOCKINGS

If anyone can help me out tracking a pair of these down I would be hugely grateful, Valentine's Day is rapidly approaching.

MUSCLE LEGGINGS

Black Milk have had the printing-weird-stuff-on-clothes game completely covered for the last few years – nobody does a Steve Buscemi dress as well as these guys do – and their new muscular leggings are no exception. They look particularly handy for those days when you want to do knock-off Jean-Paul Gaultier, gross people out, and attract the maximum amount of attention you can all at the same time aka perfect if you want to have your photo taken hanging out at fashion week.

MY FUCKING RED TROUSERS

There are very few pieces of clothing in the world that can instantly signify membership of the European upper class, a proud association with blood sports and a family history of ingrained xenophobia. Red trousers, usually corduroys, are just about the most accurate signifier of being a member of that class, and the Look At My Fucking Red Trousers blog is the best way of keeping up with the latest trends in the upper class, red-trouser-wearing world. Tweed jackets and Oxford shirts appear to be the most popular pairings at the moment, as they have been for the last century or two.

TOAD CAP

Despite finding the whole concept hilarious, I reckon the funniest thing about these mottled toad leather caps is probably the fact I'd actually be quite into wearing one. If you feel likewise, but you're crushing on a PETA dweeb at the moment, don't worry, there are versions available without the toad head and you can just tell them that the hats are pleather, because who is going to believe that there are hats made out of toadskin.  

THIS IS GOTHIC

Post-punk was rad because it was when the fashion kids who first got into punk for the amazing clothes and hair really came into their own. They back-combed the living shit out of their hair, toned down the amount of leather and denim normally seen on punks, and wore flouncy, gothic clothes that looked great mixed in with the studded remnants of punk's wardrobe. Now This Is Gothic is a handy visual compendium of said look.

Previously: Flylashes Are Eyelashes Made Out of Flies

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