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Videomoan Vol. 2

By Billie JD Porter

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I've developed serious insomnia since quitting my day job. I don't know if it's because my brain has woken up or because I stay up all night worrying about money and watching Bodyshock documentaries. Happily, the ad breaks in those lonely hours are great times to trawl the internet for pointless video crazes, and so, once more, it's Videomoan time. Last week's edition was good and, in all likelihood, this one is of a similar quality.

1. Musical Royalty. The suicidal Muslims edition.

This dude is a member of the Saudi royal family. He seems to think that dousing yourself in petrol and lighting yourself on fire is a common method of suicide for a fat nightclub owner. The video is meant to make you find Allah, but all the way through I can't help feeling that there's something a little bit sinful about ol' Faisal moping around in the pouring rain at night wearing sunglasses and saying "shawty".

2. Hilarious grime videos. The watch-it-till-the-end edition.

Please let this be real. Please let this be real. Please let this be real.

3. Serious issues. The I-don't-know-whether-to-laugh-or-cry edition.

When Amy Green went on holiday to a Caribbean island she kept hearing this totally fucked up song wherever she went. I feel bad laughing at this thing, but then on the credits there's an executive producer called Flava, which leads me to believe no one was taking things too seriously.

4. Romantic gestures. The stupid fucking creep edition.

I really, really, really want to know why Loren left him. He seems like such a great guy, y'know? It might be worth skipping about five minutes into this one.

5. Sad children. The self-righteous ginger edition.



I've been sent this by about a million people, and the majority is always right. Right?

6. Pranked Nigerian. The fresh preacher of Benin City edition.

If God is speaking through this man, then the Almighty One is obviously not a fan of 80s black comedies starring Will Smith – which saddens me. He also doesn't seem to be familiar with Star Wars – which doesn't sadden me in the slightest.

 

By Billie JD Porter 3 years ago
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