Question of the Day

Would You Rather Have Two Mums or Two Dads?

By Ryan Bassil

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The gay marriage debate is still raging. Idiot bigots believe that gay parents will morally corrupt their child, who will morally corrupt their friends, who will then morally corrupt everyone around them and bring an end to the world as we know it. People with their head screwed on realise that it's the exact people making these protestations who are likely to be mean, evil, morally abhorrent dickheads whose brainwashed children will bring around the end of days. But that's all been said countless times before. 

Something that's always left out of these debates, however, is which kind of gay couple would be slightly less harmful to society (because, by default, all gay couples are harmful, obviously). I'd imagine Republicans and other institutionalised homophobes would side with lesbians, because it appears to be gay men mainly subjected to their hateful torrents of ignorance, but who would the rest of the world choose?

London, would you rather have two mums or two dads? 

Elise, 22, works in a pub: Two mums.

VICE: Why?
I’m really embarrassed. Urm, I don’t know. I love my mum, she’s so sweet. She’s the sweetest person ever.

Would you miss your dad?
My mum would have loads of friends and they’d have loads of guy friends. My mum would have loads of guys to help. It’d be okay.

Do you agree with same sex marriage?
Urm, yeah, I guess. A wedding at the town hall is fine, but a wedding at a church is a bit weird. I wouldn’t find it weird growing up with two mums, though. I have a couple of friends who are together. They’re not married, but they’ve got a little boy. He’s two years old and he’s completely fine.

That’s good to know.

Rebecca, 20, waitress (middle) and Jessica, 21, student (right).

Rebecca: No.
Jessica: You can’t say no – you have to choose!
Rebecca: Oh, okay. I’d rather have two mums.

Why? Do dads suck?
No, I love my dad. But he’s a little bit harsh.
Jessica: Yeah, imagine having two of ‘em.

But wouldn’t you want to talk to your dad about guy stuff?
Rebecca: I’d go find a guy that's just like my dad, I could replace my dad with him.

Eurgh, that’s kinda creepy. Would you find it weird having two mums making out upstairs?No, I agree with same sex marriage. Definitely. If they like each other, then they should be allowed to do whatever they want. I'd be proud to have gay mums.

Billy, 24, Promo Worker: Two mums. Mum’s can do everything.

Do you not like your dad?
I’ve not really thought about it before, but I’m not really that close to my dad, so maybe I’d be better off with two mums.

Do you wish you'd been born with two mums now?
Yeah, based on personal experience, I’m saying no dads. Just mums. Obviously dads are more playful, but mums are more down for home-keeping, you know? I’d miss the playful side of my dad, though.

Awh, Billy, your answers have made me really sad for some reason.

Ryan, 25, trainee architect: Oh god, that is a terrifically hard question. It depends what time of year, really.

What? I've never heard that before.
Sometimes you like your dad more, sometimes you like your mum more. But, in a life or death situation, I’d choose my Dad, because I can hang out with him more.

Wouldn’t you miss the loving, caring stuff from your mum?
I think it’s a silly question, really. You love your parents for different reasons and there are pros and cons for both, so it’s a bit silly of me to pick one.

Would you find it weird having two dads?
Yeah, people would probably think I was gay, or something, if they saw my two dads picking me up from school.

Is same-sex marriage wrong?
I don’t know. I don’t want to sound like a bigot, but I don’t think it’s fair on the kid. You can have natural love between two people of the same sex, but I think a child needs to be brought up with both sexes so that he’ll be open to his own opinion, rather than forced into something.

Olly, 22, mental health worker: Two mums, I think. I’m useless at this kind of shit, man.

Why would you rather have two mums?
I’m a great believer in nature versus nurture and there’s less chance of – wait – that sounds really bad. Can I pass? Is that alright?

Nope. What’s wrong with having two dads?
My dad's a bit of a madman. He’s loveable, but he’s a bit mad. I can get away with stuff with my dad a lot easier. But I don’t know man; this is all a bit confusing.

Would you be comfortable with two women making love in your house?
Haha, yeah, but I think I’d find it weirder if it was my two dads having some fun together.

Anna, 18, student (left) and Caroline, 18, student.

Both: Two mums.

Woah, that was a quick response.
Anna:
It's 'cos we're girls. Having two mums would be better because it’s easier to talk about girl stuff. It’s awkward to talk about that kind of thing with your dad.

Would you not need a male figure around?
Yeah, I guess. It’s a lot easier to get away with stuff with your dad. 

What if your mums were making out in public? Would you have a problem with it?
It depends on the situation.
Caroline: We're really cool with stuff like that. Having two mums would be really cool.

Why?
Because it’s normal to be a lesbian or a homosexual in today’s age. If it was 20 years ago, people would have been like, “Urgggh”. But it’s normal these days. If they were kissing each other all the time, you’d be like “Mum! Mum! Stop!” But if it was a dad and a mum, it would also be gross. It doesn’t depend on the gender.
Anna: We’re used to only having mums our whole life, so I don’t think you’d notice not having a dad. Sure, I’d miss him now if he suddenly disappeared, but if I started with two mums, it’d be fine.

I hope your dad never reads this. He'll be very sad.

Previously - Could a Talking Dog Be President?

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