When Was the Last Time You Thought About Being Exorcised?

A couple of days ago, a woman in Wyoming stopped breathing and had a cardiac arrest in the middle of an exorcism. Which must be a bit of an annoying blip when you're trying to rid your body of an evil spirit.

I had a walk around London to see what people felt about exorcisms, and asked them all a question: when was the last time you thought about being exorcised?

Dave (left) and Greta.

Dave: Really? That’s your question? Never.

Okay. Well, have you had any recent thoughts about exorcism?
No.
Greta: Not today, but we had an exorcist in our school. There was this guy who killed himself and apparently the cleaners kept hearing someone playing the piano when everything was locked up, so the school hired an exorcist.

Wow. Was the exorcist an interesting guy?
Well, actually, he was the chef and he fell in love with a teacher who was married and then strangled himself in the bell tower.

That’s not your run of the mill exorcist story.
Yeah, they always do stuff like that in Germany.

Always? Okay.

Jay (left) and Sam.

Sam: Exorcisms actually really freak me out. That’s why I could never have one – I would shit myself.
Jay: Don’t they actually have an exorcist department in the Vatican? And a dedicated exorcism team? Just thinking about that room and all those robes makes me sweat.

I think the head of all exorcisms ever is called Father Amorth. Do you know anyone who could do with his help?
Jay: My housemate Q could probably do with an exorcism.
Sam: Definitely Q, yeah. He should have been banged up a couple years ago, so this could definitely help him out.
Jay: And Ross – my old housemate. He could do with two exorcisms on the same day.

When was the last time you felt possessed by a demon?
Jay: Every Friday night, ‘cause I’m so lazy all week, then BAM – I have to release my demons. It’s the model life.

Oli: Probably when I last watched The Exorcist last year. It’s not an everyday thing for me like it seems to be for you.

Yesterday, a woman from Wyoming was rushed to hospital after a botched attempt to rid her of her poltergeist.
She sounds loose.

She said that her demon bit people and broke things.
She needs to take responsibility for her own actions. Like, it’s not OK to fob off your shit onto an inanimate object and then get yourself into this whole exorcism-hospital pickle.

Do you think the reason it all buckled was because it was a sort of DIY exorcism and not a legit priest job?
There’s a way to go about these things; you don’t want to be exciting some demon into a frenzy in your living room. That’s not even the crap you see in Scary Movie.

True. Finally, do you know anyone who needs exorcising?
Nick Clegg.

Andy: I’ve never considered it myself, but one of my ex girlfriends had her house "done" because they all thought her grandad was still inside and he was moving pictures and shit around. So I would consider gettting that done if I had something like that happening.

Did it work?
We broke up, so I don't know. Sorry. She’s a fruitcake.

Don't worry about it. So can you honestly tell me you’ve never wanted a priest to scream and wave a cross in your face?
No, that’s just not me. I’m a chilled guy, I couldn’t hack it. I'd need to go outside.

Yeah, it’s not the answer for everyone, to be fair.

Previously - Who Would You Send to a Warzone?