Who Is Going To Headline Our Festivals In Five Years Time?

By Noisey Staff

This article was originally posted on Noisey.

Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the fifth, fabulous - but surely not final - year of Blur’s comeback tour. Despite not having released any proper new material in a decade - "Fools Day", "Under The Westway" and "The Puritan" were presumably doled out as jack off commiseration prizes in the vein of "Her Majesty" waving at tax-paying peasants at herJubilee - Blur are headlining both Coachella and Primavera Sound.

Sure, the main purpose of the internet these days may be to produce meme lists that make us collectively say - “damn, we’re really old” - as we click through images of the Friends cast eating cheesecake in 2013. But, looking over festival line-ups of the past few years, it’s apparent that the bookers are on the same wavelength. Modern festivals are like if the cast of Friends came back, but instead of writing new episodes they went and recorded new versions of all the old ones. The characters would all be awkwardly old, depressing shrapnels of the great that they had once been. The hype and need to fuel nostalgia would give purpose to the first episode. The rest would seem like uncreative, unoriginal cash-ins. An inside joke on us all.

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