He'll probably just end up pulling out all your teeth and giving you dentures tbh.
Geek out with me as I take a look back at the year's best comics, board games, webseries and gadgets.
French artists Fannie and Poussy want to break down sexual repression early, believing it will tackle rape culture and promote consent.
What? You thought the last 12 months was just a plague of misogynist arseholes? Think again.
The other night, a patient held a knife to my throat.
"You could say I'm about as nostalgic as anyone my age for those defining years, but mostly I'm interested in the amount of nostalgia I see on the internet and elsewhere for the 90s."
The rent stayed high, hip-hop stayed strange, the police stayed awful and a lot of people wanted Taylor Swift to stay away.
Sexism's had a strong year, so let's look back with misty-eyes at all the misogyny and reactionary weirdness from horrible dude-bros.
I got shit tons of pizza off guys online by posing as a girl – but what could I get IRL as a man?
Julie Phillips thinks the ban is "very harsh". Come on, Julie Phillips. Really?
Remember when the internet used to be fun?
Nobody likes feeling brushed aside, and for those like my uncle – those with a "moderate" intellectual disability – all it takes is a conversation to change that.
So her lawyer now has to go up against animal rights groups and any human beings who don't want to see a perfectly alive dog killed and put in the ground.
It's like a Samuel Beckett play for the Facebook generation, or a Radiohead song with better jokes.
'Confidante' is a (kind of) funny new campaign for at-home STI testing. But shouldn't we be helping to remove the shame of young people actually going to sexual health clinics?
I am physically scared of it and it's fucking everywhere.
This was a rough year for minorities. If you're not getting shot at, you're probably being called a name or generally harassed for something you have no control over.
Punks, mods, Hells Angels and "The Bastard Trilogy" all had their place in the cult 1970s publishing stable.
Pensioners aren't using condoms when they do all their cruise fuckin' and now they've all got STIs.
An interview with Antonin Cohen, one of the creators of 'Kanavape'.
I spoke to Ian Haworth, who's been running the UK's Cult Information Centre for over 20 years.
The reporting around immigration has changed over the last seven years, and it's all working in UKIP's favour.
An interview with the six-time Eisner Award–winning artist.
When some LGBT readers hear the name Allison Moon, they automatically think about Moon's lesbian werewolf novels. But when Moon isn't writing horror stories, she's working as a sex educator.