We Fixed the Democrats' New Slogan for Them 50 Times

On Monday morning, Democrats outlined the economic agenda they hope will guide their party to major gains—if not control of Congress—in the 2018 midterm elections. In an op-ed for the New York Times, Senate Democratic Leader and Friend of Wall Street Chuck Schumer opined, "For far too long, government has gone along, tilting the economic playing field in favor of the wealthy and powerful while putting new burdens on the backs of hard-working Americans." To his credit, Schumer went on to admit, "In the last two elections, Democrats, including in the Senate, failed to articulate a strong, bold economic program for the middle class and those working hard to get there."

"Many Americans don't know what we stand for," he continued, accurately.

The party's new slogan, as unveiled Monday, is meant to clarify all of that: "A Better Deal: Better Jobs, Better Wages, Better Future." Not awful—especially considering that another version of the tagline was floating around last week ("A Better Deal: Better Skills, Better Jobs, Better Wages"). That iteration was both likened to the Papa John's slogan and criticized for its meritocratic undertones by putting "skills" first, suggesting the former correlates with better jobs and wages. The final slogan is also a vast improvement on another one Democrats tried out on some stickers earlier this month: "Have you seen the other guys?"

But like any slogan, the Democrats' new one can be improved upon. The version they made official on Monday is awfully long, repeats the same word three times, and doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. It leans into the word "deal," which is a favorite moniker of the self-described dealmaker president they're desperately trying to stop, and also doesn't mention healthcare, which might be worthwhile given the GOP is (still) trying extremely hard to take away coverage from millions of people. Plus, as Indivisible's Ezra Levin pointed out, "LBJ tried out the slogan 'Better Deal.' But it fizzled. So he went with Great Society. That got us Medicaid, among other things."

So just incase this one doesn't power the Democrats to historic gains, here are 50 alternative suggestions from myself, the rest of the VICE staff, and of course, the wonderful denizens of the internet. Many of them are earnest thoughts on how to capture the flailing center-left party's core values. Some are just fun. Here we go:

1. "Health. Justice. Jobs."

2. "A Government That Makes Things Easier"

3. "Make Things Easy Again for the First Time"

4. "Working on Behalf People, Not Corporations"

5. "Unrigging the System"

6. "Fair Taxes. Better Wages. Healthcare for All."

7. "It's Not Delivery. It's the Democrats."

8. "Don't Settle for Less, Settle for Us"

9. "From Democannots to Democans!"

10. "Better Hope. Better Jobs. Better Cash"

11. "Wetter Jobs, Wetter Wages, Wetter Waterparks"

12. "Whoever You Want Us to Be. Wherever You Want Us to Be (Except Michigan and Wisconsin)."

13. "We Didn't Come Here to Make Friends. We Came Here to Win."

14. "We Didn't Come Here to Win. We Came Here to Make Friends."

15. "To the Left, To the Left"

16. "Everything You Own in a Box to the Left"

17. "Better Nunchuck Skills. Better Bow Hunting Skills. Better Computer Hacking Skills."

18. "No Drug War, No Forever Wars, and Healthcare For All"

19. "For the Many. Not the Few."

20. "Less Wealth For Few Means More Wealth for All"

21. "Global Solutions: Solutions for a Global World"

22. "Come On. Leave Town. I'll Be Your Friend."

23. "Learn to Code, Binch"

24. "Fuck You. Vote For Us."

25. "Fuck Us. Vote For You."

26. "Fuck Everything. Do What You Want."

27. "Squandering Victory, Moralizing Defeat"

28. "America, Rethink This. Do Better."

29. "Technically Not Republicans"

30. "You're Going to Vote for the Candidate We Put in Front of You and You're Going to Like It"

31. "We Hate Life and Ourselves, We Can't Govern!"

32. "We've Moved a Little More to the Left. Do You Like Us Now? Or Should We Move More Right? Just Let Us Know in Three Emojis Or Less"

33.

34.

35. "Fuck Monopoly"

36. "A Better Way For a Confident America"

37. "We're Right, but It's Not Our Responsibility to Convince You of That."

38. "We're Not Happy Until You're Not Happy."

39. "Cater to Everyone. Offend No One. Do Nothing."

40. "Centrism Today, Communism Tomorrow."

41. "Don't Talk. Don't Talk to Me. Don't Talk to People I Know. Don't Even Talk to Yourself."

42. "Tax the Rich, and Give it to the Poor, Shackle Capitalism and Open the Borders."

43. "Fully Automated Luxury Gay Space Communism Today!"

44. "Eat the Rich."

45. "Legalize Cocaine."

46. "Sure, We Helped Create the Conditions That Led Up to the Trump Presidency, But Now We're Doing What We Can to Try to Make It Better Without Upsetting Our Donors In a Post-Citizens United World."

47. "The Lesser of Two Evils Is Still Technically a Better Deal."

48. "We're So, So Sorry."

49. "We're Going to Do Better! Just Give Us Another Chance!"

50. "Better Slogans, Better Democrats, Better America."

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