Hey Everyone, There's a New AIDS!

By Jamie Lee Curtis Taete

The new issue of The New Yorker contains a big piece on something called "super gonorrhea." Super Gonorrhea differs from lame, outdated regular gonorrhea in that it's untreatable. From the article:

"After a second visit, doctors at the clinic gave her an injection of ceftriaxone, an antibiotic considered by infectious-disease experts to be the definitive treatment for gonorrhea. It didn’t work; two weeks later, when she returned to the clinic, a throat culture again tested positive. She was given another dose, but it, too, failed, and, at first, doctors assumed that she had been newly infected. Now, however, public-health experts view the Kyoto case as something far more alarming: the emergence of a strain of gonorrhea that is resistant to the last drug available against it, and the harbinger of a sexually transmitted global epidemic."

Eugh. Seriously The Almighty/nature/gods/Gaia/chaos/nothing/whoever is running shit? A new "sexually transmitted global epidemic"? Are you fucking kidding me? I guess God really does hate fags.

To paraphrase Paris Hilton, an estimated one in seven gay men in urban areas is HIV positive. As a result of this, I haven't had sex with anyone at any point in my life where a good portion of that experience hasn't been spent panicking about HIV. Every time I even look at another person's penis, I convince myself I've caught it. I get regular tests, but even then there's the three-month incubation period where it's undetectable. I basically spend my entire life freaking out about AIDS.

Blowjobs were the only thing I had left, and now I have to make people wear condoms to do that!? Yes, I know you could always get HIV from oral sex. But the mouth-to-peen infection rate for HIV+ oral is like, one in 20,000 or something. I can live with that stat. Sure, there's rimming, but that gives you all the usual STDs, and then a bunch of weird poop-parasites, too. No thanks.

And yes, I know super-gonorrhea attacks straight people too. And while it's nice that straights have something non-abortable to worry about during sex (equal rights, yay!) the article handily points this out:

"Saliva contains enzymes that destroy gonorrhea, so kissing and cunnilingus don’t spread it."

Get the fuck outta here. A disease that you fight by eating pussy? Congratulations, straight people. You fucking assholes.

I guess I'll just have to wait for these things to come out so I never have to ever touch another human being ever again.

Follow Jamie on Twitter: @JLCT

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