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      don't

      I'm glad you love your beard. But this is what you look like, all of you, to me: like your whole lower face is covered in winged insects, sucking, horny, any second about to fly away, thereby revealing the veiny, sun-hungry landscape beneath, all desiccated and pale neon. Barf, dude. Shave.

      Photo courtesy of Flickr user Jonathan Leung

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