FEEL XENU'S TOUCH

Scientologists are using the power of touch to heal Haitians

By VBS Staff

Want to help the people of Haiti but not actually help them at all? The Church of Scientology’s got you covered. Volunteers from the organizations outreach program are visiting patients at Port-au-Prince’s General Hospital and healing them with the power of touch. Here’s how they describe it:

“When you get a sudden shock to a part of your body the energy gets stuck, so we re-establish communication within the body by touching people through their clothes, and asking people to feel the touch.”

Eye witnesses report that their method involves touching people while smiling, sort of like a faker, non-ancient version of Reiki healing. According to one volunteer, a donor lent the church his airplane (smells like Travolta) to take 80 volunteers and 50 Haitian-American-doctors to the ravaged country. In all fairness, it was nice of those whackadoos to transport 50 MDs to Haiti, but why ruin it with 80 Xenu missionaries?

By VBS Staff 2 years ago

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