I INTERVIEWED GUCCI MANE LAST NIGHT

Gucci was in town to perform an event to celebrate the release of Nike SB’s Paul Rodriguez clothing line, and we managed to set up an interview at the last minute. We explored Gucci’s penthouse hotel room in the half hour leading up to his arrival and that place was insane: There were bottles of Moet, a bathtub shaped like a scooped-out avocado half and a room of gifts from Nike. I took the license to sniff all their shoes. They used to say that new car smell is the world’s most expensive fragrance, but it’s been ousted by new private jet smell. About fifteenth down on that list of expensive new smells is the smell of brand new Nikes. It lingers for a day or two, but by the end of day four that smell is gone and you’re stuck with shoes that smell like the rest in your closet. Dear Nike, may I have a free Nike room installed in my apartment?

Gucci showed up sporting an ice cream cone medallion, his entourage in tow. One coached me on what topics were okay to talk about and which weren’t while another clipped his hair and gave him a shave. Gucci’s withdrawn and shy in most of the interviews I’ve seen, but today he was fairly forthcoming. I think I got the best filmed Gucci Mane interview that’s ever been done. At some point I brought up one of the verboten topics by accident and the interview was cut short. I doubt Gucci or his crew are reading this but if they are, no disrespect was intended.

The film crew, other Vice guys and I hurried over to Nike’s pop-up space and drank some free booze surrounded by skate rats with their boards, and fitteds, and ridiculously pretty girlfriends listening to a lot of great rap, and drinking tons of free booze, and waiting in the longest fucking bathroom line ever. Dear Nike, get a second bathroom. We know you can afford it.

I’d been waiting in the bathroom line for about twenty minutes when Gucci came on stage. He hadn’t said anything but everyone was thrusting their cameras and phones into the air and shoving forward so I figured he was there. Next thing you knew, the air was heavy with explosons of “BURR!” and “S’GUCCI!” Gucci did a short set but it was enough. There was crowd surfing, sing alongs to every song and, at the very end — during his performance of Freaky Gurl — Li’l Kim got on stage and joined him! Lil Kim is really, really small. That South Park episode parodying You Got Served was not kidding. She wore four inch heels and still stood about 5’ tall. People were freaking out that she was there. Two normal, suburban-looking white girls in front of me were holding each other by the shoulders and crying hysterically.

As soon as Gucci was done, the show emptied out — and fast. I think I spent no more than forty minutes inside that Nike club. The whole night was like a weird dream. Keep an eye out for VBS Meets Gucci Mane in the coming weeks.