The Weird Science Issue

Humanity’s Beta Versions

People view evolution as linear incremental improvements. But the truth is much messier. For example, 2 million years ago there were multiple species of Homo existing in the same region of Africa. It was one giant Homo party, if you will. Full story

Bob Odenkirk’s Page

The Tollbooth of Tomorrow

By necessity, the New York City of the future will improve on London’s congestion charge of £10 per vehicle with a variety of tolls to reduce traffic and keep it classy. Full story

The Cat Offers Itself

How Burroughs’s Beloved Marigay Was Saved from Viral Feline Leukemia Using Ancient Ojibwa Herbs

While William S. Burroughs is increasingly regarded as one of the most important writers of the 20th century, but his artistic genius is often overshadowed by tales of his outlaw lifestyle. Of all the wild stories in Burroughs’s life, the best (and most secret), came last: That h… Full story

Skinema

The Dark Knight XXX: A Porn Parody

Just as hip-hop died outside the Petersen Automotive Museum in Los Angeles, so did her big beautiful breasts in 1997. I’m no Columbo but I’ve seen a lot of episodes of 'Law & Order,' and I can’t help but wonder if the two crimes are somehow related. Perhaps her baby daddy killed… Full story

Combover

White Lie/Black Fly

Goddamn method actors. I hired one to do this sci-fi flick I’m producing called "White Lie/Black Fly." The crew tells me the actress has been crawling up walls, jumping on people, and even eating caca. She’s gotta tone it down or we’re going to have 50,000 lawsuits on our hands… Full story

Abducted

Photos by Jason Macdonald and Styling by Annette Lamothe-Ramos. Full story

Li'l Thinks

Next Level

Futurism isn’t what it used to be. In late-1950s and early-60s U. S. of A., the sensibility was entirely optimistic. The reasonable adults who had infested city-adjacent farmland, creating car-contingent lifestyle paradigms, wondered when they’d be flying airplanes to work: this… Full story

Pages from the Lab Notebook of Alexander Shulgin

A Glance Through the History of Psychedelic Chemistry

Presented here is an assortment of unpublished pages ranging from Alexander “Sasha” Shulgin’s first psychedelic synthesis to his later investigations of MDMA derivatives and γ-ray-emitting radiopsychedelics. Full story

Anti-Life Sciences

I met with Professor Malcolm Dando from the University of Bradford, a biologist turned international security guru, to discuss how the chemicals sloshing around in your brain can be manipulated by law enforcement agencies for diabolical ends. Full story

Visions of L. Ron

Based on the covers of six L. Ron Hubbard story compilations. Full story

The Novelizer

An Interview with Alan Dean Foster on the Art of Adapting Sci-Fi Movies into Books

Sadly, the market for novelizations has begun to dry up. So I called Alan Dean Foster, author of novelizations for many films like 'Alien' and 'Star Wars,' to find out how the science-fiction fans of tomorrow will satisfy their appetite for transmedia literature. Full story

Comic Book Star Sam Humphries and His Post-Aids Pansexual Wonderland

Marvel Comics has made Sam Humphries the head writer of 'The Ultimates.' Sam began his career with a self-published comic called 'Our Love Is Real' that takes place in a future where people are having sex with dogs, vegetables, and even crystals. Full story

Criminal Chlorination

An Interview with a Clandestine Chemist

There exist gentlemen scientists, who seek to further the field of psychoactive-drug synthesis in the privacy of their own homes. Here I present an interview with a clandestine chemist whose curiosity of forbidden molecules left him locked in a cage. Full story

This Guy Bends Hard Rods with His Mind 

Meet Jean-Pierre Girard, a Frenchman Who’ll Teach You About Psi Energy for Only $295

Shit. I’ve been determinedly rubbing this metal skewer for more than 25 minutes and it still doesn’t want to bend. I’m doing everything my metal-bending teacher, Jean-Pierre Girard, has instructed me to: I’m wearing green, stroking the rod tenderly, and focusing all my mental ene… Full story

Aliens Do It Better

Boning an alien in real life has always remained a fantasy, but that will soon change when brothel owner Dennis Hof opens his “Alien Cathouse,” a sci-fi themed whorehouse down the road from Area 51. Full story

Excerpts from ‘The Periodic Table of Energy’

In 1973, Timothy Leary—the “high priest” of LSD—was arrested by US officials. During his imprisonment he conceived 'The Periodic Table of Energy,' a 203-page “manual explaining how to decode the basic blueprints which guide the evolutionary journey.” It was hidden for 40 years, a… Full story

Turtle Boys

David Ohle completely vanished from the literary landscape after publishing his 1972 debut novel, 'Motorman.' 'Turtle Boys' is a hitherto unpublished investigation of the mutant anatomy of turtle boys. Full story

The Cute Show Page!

Kuppy-Cats!

The room went silent as the scientist slowly opened the cage door and gently removed a two-week-old specimen of his own invention, plainly stating, “Behold the final frontier of cute: the kuppy-cat.” Full story

Did This Teenage Brainiac Cure Cancer?

Fifteen-year-old Jack Andraka invented a tool to diagnose cancer that is 160 times faster, 100 times less expensive, and 400 times more sensitive than previous cancer-testing procedures. We asked him how he got so smart. Full story

Teaching Debbie Harry About Bath Salts

Was Fucking Amazing

I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Debbie Harry. Somehow, I also ended up accidentally teaching her about bath salts. Sorry to burst your bubble, Debbie. You were going to find out sooner or later. Full story

Space Garbage May Trap Us on Earth Forever

Humanity has managed to clog up the land, sea, and air with our disgusting waste, so one might think we’d be mindful of letting our junk turd up outer space. But nope—turns out the void that surrounds our planet is rapidly filling up with garbage. Full story

Records

Leave it to an SS-haired boy with a Death in June fixation to teach me about love. And he even did it the old-fashioned way, by dropping a little acid house. Full story

Great Medicinal Chemists of the 20th Century

An Homage in Crystal Cube

Photos by Dan Meyer, retouching by Mike De Leon. Crystal engraving courtesy of Crystal Images USA. Full story

Whoa, Dude, Are We Inside a Computer Right Now?

This NASA Scientist Thinks We Could Be

Two years ago, Rich Terrile appeared on 'Through the Wormhole,' the Science Channel’s show about the mysteries of life and the universe. He was invited onto the program to discuss the theory that the human experience can be boiled down to something like an incredibly advanced, me… Full story

A Puzzle

This is a short story by Lem that has remained unpublished in English until now. Its subject matter concerns a cyborg doctor of magnetics, robotic theology, “Jelly Brains,” and a lot of other esoteric and interesting topics. Full story

Comics

Future Dude

In "Fuck the Future"

Sigh... Nobody loves me... Full story

Letter from the Guest Editor

I looked deep and found things that palpate the tender abdomen of what we call science with a cold, ungloved finger. Inhale the alkyl nitrites of curiosity and penetrate the puckered sphincter of knowledge, scientia! Full story

Don’t Eat Those Carnitas

Unless You Like Giving Your Friends Brain Worms

Pork tapeworms are tiny nutrient-starved horrors that use scythelike appendages to claw their way into the brains of humans. Once there, they bore cysts through the gray matter in much the same way that a garden-variety worm tunnels through an apple. Full story